you never know...

So much has transpired in the last 6-8 hours that I can't even wrap my brain around it anymore! I got up for work simply thinking that today would be like any other day (minus the fact that I can't breathe out of my right nostril, and my hubby was leaving for the lodge/cabin/farm).  I merge onto the interstate headed for lab #2 to meet several patients when lo and behold my car just decides that it is going to decelerate at a rapid pace and just not function at all.  My heart stops for a brief second because all I can see is about 7 18-wheelers in single file right behind me.  I'm trapped in the left lane slowly coming to a complete stop and I can't operate my car at all.  Finally, I'm able to change lanes and pull over on the side of the interstate (mind you, RUSHING cars going by).  I panic (honestly, panic is a mild word...I was way past panic).  I call hubby in tears and try not to freak him out.  I keep telling him I'm fine, but I don't really know if I am....and I don't know whether to get out of the car or not.  [I have a VERY imaginative mind and all I kept seeing was my car blowing up...a little extreme, I know].  Finally, hubby gets there after "what seemed like" 40 minutes of panic time.  I look a wreck, and he comes to the rescue! Knight in Shining Armor at your service!!!! :) I get on the phone with my work in the meantime, because (of course) all I can think of right now is that I am going to be late for my patients and that just SIMPLY WILL NOT work.  After getting that taken care of, we finally arrive at the conclusion to take the car to an Auto place that my dad likes to use.  We get there and the really nice lady tells us that she can't touch the car since it is still under warranty...we would need to bring it to the dealer in order for the warranty to still be effective.  (FYI: the dealership is another good 30 minutes away).  Awesome. We then drive all the way to the dealership to get me another "temporary car" complete with a cassette player for my throwback cassette collection. Holla. So now, I'm back at work...wishing I could just lie down (I'm so freakin exhausted!!!)

FYI: my car is new too.... haha

anyway.... I have found the GREATEST man ever.....because he NEVER complained the entire while he was helping me with all this car stuff (he was supposed to be headed to the lodge/cabin/farm)...sweet sweet man!!!

Joel 2

"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."  Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relects from sending calamity.  Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing--grain and offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God.  Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly.  Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children, those nursing at the breast.  Let the bridegroom leave his room and the bride her chamber.  Let the priests, who minister before the Lord, weep between the temple porch and the altar.  Let them say, "Spare your people, O Lord, Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn, a byword among the nations.  Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?' "

Then the Lord will be jealous for his land and take pity on his poeple.  The Lord will reply to them:  "I am sending you grain, new wine, and oil, enough to satisfy you fully; never again will I make you an object or scorn to the nations.  I will drive the northern army far from you, pushing it into a parched and barren land, with its front columns going into the eastern sea and those in the rear into the western sea.  And its stench will go up; its smell will rise."  Surely he has done great things.  Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice.  Surely the Lord has done great things.  Be not afraid, O wild animals, for the open pastures are becoming green.  The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.  Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has give you the autumn rains in righteousness.  He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.  The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. 

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locus and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you.  You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.  Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my poeple be shamed.  And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.  Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days.  I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.  And everyone who calls on teh name of the Lord will be saved; for on Mount Sion and in Jerusalem htere will be deliverance, as the Lord has said, among the survivors who the Lord calls.

It's refreshing to read something that you haven't really read in awhile....and to really get something out of it.

top ten list for "one of those days"

I could probably [most definitely] come up with a stellar list about what to do when you're stressed or what could really help you relax after a VERY LONG AND INVOLVED DAY... 
Well, I guess I'll just give it to you...cliff-notes style:

1.  Write/Type it all out; start a blog :)
2.  Drink more water...it keeps you hydrated and less likely to faint
3.  Go for a run...if you are confined to a cubicle/generic office space try standing and doing some leg lifts.  It will get your mind off of things for a second...and tone your butt at the same time :)
4.  Possibly buy some music on iTunes...if your husband or significant other has put you on a budget, then....I guess your stuck to searching for oldies but goodies in your current iTunes library (could be pretty interesting)
5.  Walk outside on a mission....then take a deep breath and walk back in.
6.  Offer to take the trash out....it will at least get your mind off of the fact that you are stuck inside until 5 or 6 or 7.
7.  Just start talking to random ppl in the office....make someone laugh
8.  Make a grocery list
9.  Play on Facebook for 5-10 minutes...if your corporate IT guy has blocked FB for "company focus", then well....play on google.
10.  NEVER complain! It only makes things worse!!!!!

Hope this helps...

good--perfect--complete--beautiful

I took some time last night to do something that I haven't done in a very long time....I decided to read the Bible until something caused me to stop, and then just let that verse sink in.  Well, as usual, I didn't get very far in Philippians chapter 1.  I made it verse 6 actually....and then I just absolutely could not move from that verse:

"being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." 

It was already highlighted, underlined, circled...you name it...so all I COULD do was to just sit and let the Holy Spirit speak to me.  I started crying at one point because for some reason, I could not get past the word "good".  Thankful for my "study" Bible--with all the nifty addons and extras--I was able to just follow the asterisk to the definition and translation of "good" in this particular verse.  It proceeded to tell me that "good" is meaning "perfect, complete, beautiful, a characteristic where people are drawn to you".... It blessed my heart just knowing that God isn't finished with me yet.  There is a reason for everything...and He isn't just going to leave me in a position with work or whatever where I will be alone and confused.  It made me happy...and actually able to sleep for the majority of the night not worrying about waking up for the work week.  :)

So with that, I hope that someone will be blessed and have a newfound understanding of the "good work" that Christ is doing inside of them.

Happy Monday.



jingle bells ji-jingle bells

Despite the fact that today is going to be pretty jam packed with work work work....I am really enjoying every minute of it.  I have Christmas music shuffling on my playlist, candles burning, coffee right next to me.....and my calendar opened to just color code everything :) Oh----and its COLD OUTSIDE!!! I'm sooo happy! I absolutely love the cold weather! I can't wait to put on a turtle neck, boots, skinny jeans and a peacoat!!!!! AHHHH LOVE IT!

Now down to serious business.  Christmas presents.  I'm usually the person who has all the gifts months and months before the 25th....but this year I'm kinda slacking. I like to be "the gift that everyone has absolutely no idea what it is but is anticipating the unveiling of it"....but I'm just running out of "good-gift-giving-juice".  I probably need to just do what I do best....browse.  I know that once I see it...I'll know.  And the reason that I love giving gifts to my family (and to people in general) is that they don't really expect it.  I know that my fam really would be totally okay with just being together....playing rock band christmas morning in our pj's and eating sausage-cheese balls and pigs in a blanket... that's why opening presents is sooo much fun! We laugh and laugh just watching everyone's face. (I think I'll put Griffin under the tree with a big bow on his head.  He is definitely the BEST Christmas present this year!!! Plus, it would just be funny to see Griffin under a tree with a big bow on his head...haha)

Well, this week, Griffin and I got our first Christmas tree...real Christmas tree.  Aaannnnddd...we got ripped off. We paid way more than we wanted to (even though we thought we were getting a great deal), and the stand was nailed into the tree...creating a hole in the "water holding part of the stand", so now we can't put water in the tree.  Yes, it might go up in flames....but at least we had our first Christmas tree :)  It will definitely make for some great stories later on in life.

With all this said...I really hope everyone truly enjoys this season to the best of their ability.  Cherish those around you and use this time as a springboard into a new season of life for you....

merry christmas :)

the married life

I just love having more than one ring on my left ring finger.... :) There is just something about looking down at my left hand and having a peace that I just can't explain---I mean, God is so faithful.  Im married to the love of my life---and I seriously have NEVER been happier. 

We laugh all the time, which makes each day all the more special...I mean there really is NEVER a dull moment with either of us.  We practically laughed the entire honeymoon (because Griffin apparently has become fluent in Spanish---all of a sudden). Just imagine. haha.

And last night was the first time that we went back to my "parent's house" when I officially don't live there anymore.  It was crazy nuts.  I mean...saying "my parent's house" is weird enough.  My sister came in from college last night and it was just strange that I had to visit my "parent's house" in order to see her....nutso.  But I like it :)  Because at the end of the day, I get to sleep right next to my best friend...my love....and we can just talk and laugh until one of us falls asleep.  It's amazing. 

I pray that all girls...all women....will be able to feel the way I feel.  It's totally worth the wait. 

I tried and tried but there was no use

What is up with the humidity??? I mean, REALLY?!?!?!?! I actually spent time on my hair today (as in I put a straightener to it for like 15 seconds, haha)...and then I step outside and POOF--we have friz.  I mean, I'm not a biggie for flat hair.  In fact, I almost always point out if someone's hair is annoyingly flat....put some body, people...that's what a teasing comb is for!! But like freakin huge hair from 110% humidity doesn't really qualify for "body".  ugh. :)

Why am I so "all-of-a-sudden" concerned about my hair?? Well, I have my first LUNCH at a doctor's office today.  I'm kinda nervouse because I've never done this before....i'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to act, what I'm supposed to say.  I wish there were a book on "Dummies Guide to 'Lunching' with a Physician who Doesn't Really Care About Your Product...Only What You Can Do For Him".  Gross, I know...but it's the truth.  I mean, sometimes I feel like a piece of meat in this "marketing industry to physicians".  Yuck.  It helps that the majority of the docs I go to see know my parents, so they are polite...but still...yuck.  So I'm nervous.  And my boss was supposed to go with me, but I have a feeling that "something will come up".

Glorious. 

Anyway---I'm sure I'll have some funny stories about the lunch later....I'll be sure to update!

insomnia

I haven't really been sleeping all that well as of late.  It's either, I can't get to sleep, or I wake up constantly either having to go to the bathroom or  just tossing and turning.  I never really realized how much is actually on my mind until this morning.....  I've been waking up the last several nights from nightmares.  They are all different, but leave me feeling so yucky.  Last night's was particularly awful. 

I don't like nightmares...I mean, I don't really know who does....but still, I don't like them.  The whole concept of the dream may have started from my thoughts were rummaging through my head right before sleep claimed me.  And so, of course, throughout my dream I was either frustrated, running, or upset.  But then it doesn't end there..... So, I get up....then I have the hardest time getting any sort of energy throughout the day. It's pretty much a lose lose situation.  Fabulous.

I just wish the nightmares would stop.  I almost don't even want to go to sleep anymore.....

So then, this morning, I realize that my mind just hasn't stopped.  I want everything to be so perfect for November 13th, that I'm just focusing soooo much on it....it's messing with my head. 

D-Day is getting really really close, and I'm soooo excited!!!! ( I just wish I could sleep!)

:)

17 days

So it's officially 17 days until the BIG DAY! Crazy how time really does fly....yet it seems like its dragging on. Strange.  But everything is really coming together quite well.  I just finished getting all of the programs done for the ceremony...that was such a HUGE fiasco.  Honestly....you don't realize all of the things that just "come up". Putting together a ceremony program that was short, to the point, classy, yet not super expensive, and would still say everything that we needed to say....was really like trying to find a freckle that was shaped like Canada.  Yeah, that difficult.  And you really wouldn't think that.  But it was.  Phew---its done now :) PRAISE THE LORD!

come away

Truth: it has been quite some time since I have updated the blog.  Life's been kinda crazy!! My mind has been on about 500,000 things and my physical self has actually started to feel it.  In truth, I haven't really been feeling well for about a week now.  Progressively, I've started to lose my voice...and a LOT of sleep.  So, its been really difficult to be productive day-to-day.  I haven't been able to exercise quite as often as I would like, because I start wheezing when I take a step....this crud has now gotten into my lungs.  Joy. :)

But even admist all this yuck that I've been feeling.  I have really been reflective and contemplative lately.  I've had ample opportunity to just think about me...about what is to come...and to prepare myself for the big "change".  I feel truly blessed.  I've been working on counting my blessings day-to-day...because it is VERY easy for me to get real negative about my job, bogged down about living with my parents, or just stressed because I don't "feel like my body is in wedding mode" (get my drift, ladies???).... So I've really had to make a conscious effort to focus on Christ.  First and foremost.  To start my day with Truth instead of lies.... to focus on the positive...and to remember that NO MATTER what may happen in my day, Christ is still my light! He's my constant.  What's pretty neat, is I have actually seen a difference in my attitude.  If I can give anyone a word of advice: Don't take work home! Sure, vent and get some things out because I know that God puts people in our lives for that reason...but don't take everything out on one person.  Look at your "home" as a safe haven, a place of rest, an escape.  I know I do. Random fact about me:  I love to just lay down on the floor of my closet and think sometimes...Often I cry....often I laugh....often I think "what the h*** are you doing down there?!?!?! hahaha.  But seriously... you need a place where you can get away and just be left alone to recharge.  I mean, the Lord begs us to "come away with Him"....so do it :)

ps: the smell of this Orleans Pumpkin Spice Candle is absolutely AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fall is SO HERE!

Here's to fall!!

Have you ever stopped to think about all the millions of different personalities that clothes can give us??? Well, you probably subconsciously have. :) I mean, ANOTHER great reason why I love FALL so much, is because there are SO very many different experssions of "me". 

I can be rocker chic in my leather bomber and studded heels

I can be sophisticated barbie in my mini with tights and ankle boots

I can be a storty-book cowgirl with jeans and broken-in cowboy boots

I can be the trendy first mate with  knee-high boots, a flowy blouse, and a vest :)

AHHH!! I just love fall so much! So many expressions of me, and so many fun things to wear.  Sometimes, I get so anxious throughout the day just thinking about what I'm going to wear later that evening...or even the next day.  Some would call that "insanity or crazy" but it's just a passion.  I love to dress; I love to dress other people; I love to just create through fashion.

Whenever I help someone pick out and outfit or mix and match, or simply just give them the "thats perfect to wear", I truly feel accomplished.  We live in a society now that, sadly, values the "outer appearance" way more than they should.  Now, before you start calling me hypocritical let me explain myself.  I really feel that it is VERY important to feel good about how you look on the outside.  It reflects, a lot of times, what you are internally dealing with....For someone who is WAY overdressed for a casual coffee date is probably needing some reassurance in their life. And yes, I'm probably reading into this way more than I should...but whatever :)

Anyway--here's to fall!!!

Takin' It Old School...

There is NO SHAME in swooning!!! Seriously.  I was just reading an article about how women AND men are starting to prefer and adopt the more traditional-old-fashioned romantic conventions of a relationship.  LOVE IT!

You see, I've always been a sort of "old-fashioned gal".  I love the door being opened whether I'm dressed up or not, being whisked away for a surprise date, casually getting my wallet out at the end of the meal anticipating the gentleman in front of me to say: "oh, no I got it", "I was raised better than letting a girl pay for a meal". Or in the case with my fiance:  "PUT THE CARD DOWN!!! [insert eye roll] You're not paying, Madeleine, and you know it." UGH, he totally caught on to my little game! :)

But I really just love that old-fashioned romance.  There really is no shame in "swooning a little" (Women's Health.20Oct2010.pg102).  Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD. stated that "No matter how powerful and independent they are, women still want to be pursued, protected, and cared for by their partners." So true.  I remember distinctly my parents telling me that they didn't think that I would EVER marry.  They said that I was too independent...too headstrong.  Well, funny, there was actually someone in this world who is a little more headstrong than I....bless him.  Haha.  No but really, no matter how much of a bad-A I tried to be....I still desired (and desire now) to be pursued. [and yes, I am blessed in that regard.  My fiance never stops finding ways to make me feel like royalty]

And if you think about it....being "wooed" feels GREAT! It's actually been proven that it boosts your dopamine levels (the NT--neurotransmitter-- that is responsible for creating that romantic high) and the brain hormone oxytocin (which fosters feelings of attachment to a person). Hmmmm....interesting.

So I mean....you can't argue with this.  So boys----SWOON.  Take your dear maiden out and make her feel so precious to you.  And Girls----let him. :)

the up :)

I think at heart, I am a writer.  I've always wanted to write a book...and I've honestly talked about it for years.  It's the only way that I can really express everything that I want to.  Good, Bad, Ugly, Beautiful.  Everything.  I love to journal because it helps me to get it all out.  When I'm stressed, I can't write fast enough....so, in turn, I blog.  Well, I apologize for how negative it has progressively gotten... :( so sorry.  I can't stand a pessimist...and of course I have become hypocritical in that.  So, I will turn my frown upside down and look at the bright side of life...and the funny things that I never document anymore.  Like for instance:  The place where I move just moved locations.  We kinda moved unexpectedly (meaning: day of---pack up and move).  Gotta love spontaneity. :)  Well, my desk is conveniently located in the back "storage area"...i kinda like that.... and, of course, that is the area in the office that was not finished.  So...I got to spend the first of my week with some very enthusiastic Mexicans.  (They really were from Mexico---not being racist---just politically correct).  sooooo..... They just LOVED to talk.  In Spanish.  And of course, I "think" I'm fluent in the Spanish language because I took a million classes in college....but of course...I can NOT speak it well.  So I tried to listen---to no avail.  Just me looking and feeling like a complete imbecile. Haha.  I just figured I'd try to be cultured and "expand my mind".  Right... haha

laugh a little

One thing that I've learned while being in "the real world" working and all that...is that you just HAVE to laugh through it all.  I just had one of the most precious patients ever.  He was making me laugh the entire time I was informing him of Sleep Apnea and the machine I'm putting him one.  Before he left, he told me: "I can really tell you love your job".  And that totally broke my heart because...I don't. I just love being with people and doing something that helps others.


:)  sweet sweet man.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


needed that.

seasons

One of my absolute favorite passages of the Bible is in Daniel 2:19-23.  I love it so much because it reminds me that the Lord constantly changes the seasons...literally and figuratively.  Everyone (despite where you are now) will go through a "changing of the leaves" at some point in your life.  And we are then left with a choice:  to engage in the inevitable and accept the season that you are in, or you can simply moan and complain to make yourself (and others around you) completely miserable during this time.
One of the biggest things that I have been struggling with lately has been just  "accepting this current season".  Instead of dwelling in the negative of where I'm at with my girl friends (or the lack-thereof), I've just taken it upon myself to just relish in the sweet comfort of my Heavenly Father.  Because truly, there isn't anyone that knows my innermost being better than Him.  Once I realized that...it's almost as if peace immediately encompassed my soul.  And now, I can really really soak up all the wonderful things ahead in this "engagement season" that I'm in.  I can finally be everything that I need to be to and for my intended. :)

love love love

First of Fall

Today is like totally pivotal for me :)  It marks the "First of Fall"....my absolute favorite time of year...the time of year that I will become wife to my bestest friend in the whole wide world....and a season of completely wonderful clothing and accessory options!!! I LOVE FALL!

Of course, it needs to get a little bit cooler...but I'll take what I can get...first things first.

Dark nail polish (plum or charcoal or navy or cedar)

Turtle necks

Boots (HECK YEAH!!!)

Tights, stockings, big over the boot socks...

A chunky scarf

Jackets

Football (GEAUX TIGERS)

Tea, Lattes, Apple cider, Pumpkin cider

yum :)

No Pitty Party

I cried myself to sleep last night (do NOT feel sorry for me....I needed it).... And it felt really really good. I suffer from a chronic case of "Keep it all in until it boils over".  I'm not super proud of it; it's just one of those ways that I "convince" people of how strong I am.  Right.  Anyway---Yesterday was just the end-all-be-all for me.  I had started work way earier than I was supposed to...and didn't get home until 7pm.  I was supposed to be at a women's event with my mom at 7pm...so that, of course, put a damper on things.  But regardless, we still went.  And boy, did I need to hear every single word that was said.  My goal, originally was to give you guys some nugget that she shared with us...but if I even started, this entry would turn into a novel. :)  So, I'll just try and recap some points. 
Joshua 3:1-5.  She disected these 5 verses and really dug deep into 4 things that Joshua acted on as a human being...and as a Christ follower...when he was about to lead the children of Israel into the promise land (see, I can tell I'm about to go off on a tangent--fantastic).  Verse 1:  He rose early in the morning...He acted IMMEDIATELY in obedience. Verse 2:  When they were staring at the Jordan River....He acted FEARLESSLY (You have to understand that the Jordan River, at the time of year they were crossing, was when the winter snow was melting down the mountains and GUSHING into the Jordan.  It was 5 times wider than it normally was and very fierce...so imagine staring at that thinking "I'm crossing over that????!!??!) Verse 3-4:  He acknowledged God's presence before he made a move.... "you have not passed this way before".  Verse 5:  Joshua anticipated God's miracles! Act today like God is who He says He is :)

really really challenging!!! I seriously am just loving reading over my notes.  Totally helping me make it through today and reminding me that God is NOT a God of fear!
1 John 4:18
2 Timothy 1:7
Psalm 91:1-2
Hebrews 13:6,8
John 14:27
Psalm 31:24

But anyway---the reason that I cried myself to sleep last night was because there was a culmination of emotions that were just raging through.  I'm in a season of life where I'm finding and discovering my purpose here in this life.  And if you are someone with my personality, you know that is very very difficult.  I've always had a plan...and you'd think that I've learned that it NEVER goes according to "plan"... I'm one that needs to feel like I'm actually doing something to help others out.  I cannot stand complacency.  I cannot stand just "accepting that this is my life".  I always strive for more....because I know that God has created me for something other than "what I am doing right now".  And the hardest part of it all:  no close fellowship with girl friends.  I used to have that in college, but when I moved back home...it kinda dissipated (understandable bc we dont live anywhere near each other).  And I've learned that talking with a guy about what's going on NOW is rather difficult---guys are problem solvers.  They tell you what you NEED to hear...now what you WANT to in that moment.  Sometimes a girl just needs for a friend to pout with her for a time...and then tell her the hard truth. 

Anyway---that's why I was crying.  Just a hard place in life right now.  I'm soooo freakin happy about what is about to come!!! It's the selfishness inside of me that is restless with what my life is going to mean.

to mother

This is from my "Daily Reading Email" that I have NOT been daily reading...for some reason, the title just caught my attention.  I'm glad I read it...because it really hit home. All the parts that are italicized are my additions...just thought they were pretty important, to me at least :)

To Mother

"As large as the role our mothers have played, the word "mother" is more powerful when used as a verb than as a noun. All women are not mothers but all women are called to mother. To mother is to nurture, to train, to educate, to rear. As daughters of Eve, all women are uniquely gifted to help others in their lives become more of who they truly are - to encourage, nurture and mother them towards their true selves. In doing this, women partner with Christ in the vital mission of bringing forth life.

The nurturing of life is a high and holy calling. And as a woman, it is yours. Yes, it takes many shapes and has a myriad of faces. Yes, men are called to this as well. But uniquely and deeply, this calling makes up part of the very fiber of a woman's soul - the calling to mother

All women are called to mother. And all women are called to give birth. Women give birth to all kinds of things - to a book (it's nearly as hard as a child, believe me), to a church or to a movement. Women give birth to ideas, to creative expressions, to ministries. We birth life in others by inviting them into deeper realms of healing, to deeper walks with God, to deeper intimacy with Jesus. A woman is not less of a woman because she is not a wife or has not physically born a child. The heart and life of a woman is much vaster than that. All women are made in the image of God in that we bring forth life. When we enter into our world and into the lives of those we love and offer our tender and strong feminine hearts, we cannot help but mother them.

The capacity of a woman's heart for meaningful relationships is vast. There is no way your husband or your children can ever provide the intimacy and relational satisfaction you need. A woman must have women friends.
It is here, in the realm of relationship that women receive the most joy and the profoundest sorrows. The friendships of women inhabit a terrain of great mystery. There is a fierce jealousy, a fiery devotion and a great loyalty between women friends. Our friendships flow in the deep waters of the heart where God dwells and transformation takes place. It is here, in this holy place that a woman can partner with God in impacting another and be impacted by another for lasting good. It is here that she can mother, nurture, encourage and call forth Life.
To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not. To know that, as a woman, you are not alone. Friendships between women provide a safe place to share in the experiences of life as a woman."  (Captivating, 176-180)

throat

my throat hurts...and for some odd reason I felt it necessary to post it.

what I feel in this moment

frustration.

I've been feeling rather tense lately with work...especially work.  I've have to really condition myself to just take a moment and breathe...all to realize that my situation isn't really that bad.  HAHA.  Of course. :) It's just that in certain moments and at certain points in my day I just feel super aggravated and frustrated with where I am "professionally".  Nowhere.  I don't feel motivated or really all too worthwhile.  I keep bouncing around the big "in your 20s question": What am I really supposed to do?  And when I tell you I just simply come up blank...yeah.  No answers...no clues.  So then, I just focus on what is certain in my life.  And that makes me very very happy.  I never ever have to worry about whether or not Griffin or my family love me.  That brings a lot of peace.  But then, of course, I move back into "me" mode and start wondering what am I supposed to do??? Where do I become influential? Where do I actually feel like I'm doing something productive??? 
Once again, I come up with nothing.  Fantastic.

okay... I'm going to be happy

From the Cobwebs

I was searching through my computer documents (while my internet was being fixed this morning) and I ran across this little golden nugget.  I honestly DO NOT remember writing this.  But the more and more I read, the more and more I realized why I didn't recognize it before....Because I wrote it 3.25.09....when my desire and heart for Christ and His Word was absolutely---cant even find the word---it was just very very deep.  And now, I'm challenged.  To search out the heart of Christ again, and to get to that place.  Funny when you learn from things that YOU wrote in the past....

hopefully it will inspire someone else too:
(and I'm not exactly sure who "you" is that I was writing too)

"So, when you sent me Exodus 15:2 I was so excited to open to "the Song of Moses". Of course I started at verse 1...Well, at first I was really confused...I thought that I was going to read "I will prepare a habitation"....however, I read in verse 2: "The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him; My father's God, and I will exalt Him." I then got out two other translations to read that same verse to try and find the connection to the word “habitation”. It was really funny that I neglected to see KJV in the text. Well, I then sat back and thought about what translations actually are: they are depictions of the same verse, same concept…only in different words. So, I read the verse again. This time I asked myself to define “strength” and “song”. To me, those two words have a powerful meaning.



Strength: My name means “Tower of Strength”. It’s so funny how that is, because in so many ways, I have had to be strong…and get through the situation…with grace. A lot of times, the only thing that I had left was what the Lord had given me…my name. In that, I found solace in Christ, because to me, HE is and always has been MY STRENGTH.


Song: Ever since I was in my mother’s womb, I had a song. My mom would tell me that whenever worship music would come on, I would literally start dancing in her belly. When I was little, I would write music with my younger sister and sing the songs to my parents in a mock church service. And now as a young adult, the passion for the term “song” and “worship” go hand in hand. It is how I deal with stress and sadness; it is how the Lord speaks to me; it is how I regain strength; it is my habitation.


Then I went to the next segment of the verse: “…and He has become my salvation…” When I think about what this segment of scripture is saying I keep thinking about eternity. The Lord, in His awesome splendor has literally become the very thing that my life is built on. The time that I spend with the Lord in the quiet moments is time that I prepare my heart for Him to move and speak. It is a habitation; a place where praise exists…the core of my response to Him saving me.


Well, then, I decided to check out Exodus 2:15….because for some reason, I just like to see what the “opposite” chapter/verse says. So when I read it: “When Pharaoh heard of this matter, he sought to kill Moses. But Moses fled from the face of Pharaoh and dwelt in the land of Midian; and he sat down by a well. I was wondering what exactly the Bible was trying to tell us in the fact that they added “and he sat down by a well”. So I researched what the significance of a well was in those days. It says that “wells were often situated outside the towns or villages (habitats). In addition to supplying water, they functioned as local landmarks and places of meeting.” I seriously had to sit and wait on the Lord on this one. I didn’t want to try and pull something out of the dark that really wasn’t there to teach me. So, I just went away from it; but something kept bringing me back to that verse. I really felt the Lord tell me that even though Moses was outside of the typical habitat (his place of comfort), he still was comfortable enough to find solace in a meeting place; a place where I’m sure community was established. And in that the Lord was telling me that “Maddi, my praise goes with you. No matter whether you are in the quiet of your closet, the confinement of your shower, or amidst a community of individuals, I AM THERE. My praise goes forth. It surrounds you.” It was really comforting to feel that from the Lord. Because a lot of times I feel like I “sit by a well”, but still feel so alone. However, in that moment, I suddenly feel His presence all over me and wonder how that could be. But I know that HIS PRAISE does go forth. It truly leads and guides me in every step that goes before me. Whether I’m in my quiet place, or the craziness of life….God defines his habitat IN me."

well well well

Things are becoming very real.  More real than what I originally thought "real" was.  And I couldn't be happier.  I feel different (in a sense).  There have been changes that have been going on inside me and around me...and honestly, it's awesome!  I feel challenged, almost.  It's as if someone came up to me, pointed a finger in my face and said: "I DARE YOU...."  I'm so freakin excited to be married. So. Freakin. Excited. (if you haven't seen that SNL skit, you wont understand).  Something that has saved me from a lot of heartache was something that someone shared with me:  anger is the product of unmet expectations.  I hold that tidbit of gold ever so close to my heart, and honestly, it has helped me to die to self and relish in the fruits of one of the greatest gifts God has given me personally....love.  It has opened more doors of peace before even a glimpse of conflict was about to arise.  And that is why I really feel everything has been so beautiful...and will continue to be.  We both have given everything over to Christ (first and foremost)...and it's really paying off.  I'm so in love. So in love.  And I cannot wait to start the journey.

the week...recap

So there really has been a lot that has happened since my last post...I guess we could start with the "planned internet outage" that lasted from Monday-Friday of this week...yeah, we just got it back on.  Basically AT&T didn't really find it completely necessary to let all the 22,000 people that were "affected" my the LACK OF INTERNET for the said--4 days! No big, why don't you just completely disable us from running a business!!!!!! AHHHHH!!! Then to top it off, yesterday, the network went out.  In a few words: WE CANT DO ANYTHING.  HAHA.  At this point, I was past the point of delirium. Everyone in the office was just laughing because it was just one thing after another!! :)

But the best part of the week was THURSDAY (yesterday).  Why you ask??? Well, it was my 23rd BIRTHDAY!!!!! WOOP WOOP!!! My sister flew in from college JUST to celebrate the day with me :) meant the world.  I really really am surrounded by people who love me...and show it.  Well, my absolutely fantastic fiance took me to breakfast in the morning...my favorite place, Mande's.  Yum.  The thought of it is making my mouth water.  No really, just totally watered! Okay---So my dad met us there and joined us for the last part of our meal and just talked with us about life.  It was really sweet!!! SOOOO...normally, I wear scrubs to work.  Except today, I totally dressed up!! I even did my hair! :) I just love bdays.  Well, my mom came at 12 (with my sis) to take me to lunch....they spoiled me! We went to Cafe Lynn. Yum, again. Then I went back to work only to know that I could leave early.  So....I left around 3 and headed to the gym.  My sweet sweet gym buddy, Beth, brought me a Powerade :) and she also brought me a bday happy!!! Kitchen soap! Praise Jesus, because Griff's house is in DESPERATE need of it!!!! After that, I took a long shower (fav fav fav) and just took my time getting dressed.  I wore a new dress that my mom had given me earlier that morning....because the Mula family was going to Gio's!!!!!!!!!!!! YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Let me just tell you....hands down...that place absolutely rocks!!!!!  They sang to me and brought me some sort of italian dessert....yummy again.  We finished the evening with Baskin Robbins mint choco chip ice cream cake, carrot cake squares, jamoca almond fudge ice cream, and cookie dough...and PRESENTS!!!!!

all in all...everyone spoiled me ROTTEN!!!!! 

Let me just say:  I have the best family...future family...and fiance ANYONE could have ever dreamed of!!!!

87more days :)

So, my blogging has been really down (as of late)...and so has my journaling...SAD DAY!!!! But I've either been way to busy at work to blog, or just too tired to even pull my journal out.  All of these are super sad to me, because I just love to read back on either old posts or old journal entries.  It's always good for a good laugh! ["good for a good laugh"....that kinda doesn't make sense].  Anywho--- I'm really really thankful that today is Wednesday, and the work day is almost over.  VERY THANKFUL, to be exact.  It's just been a rough week.  I've kinda been acting as "manager" lately, but I'm not compensated for it....so it gets really hard to be motivated.

On an uplifiting note:  there are approximately 87 more days until the wedding.  AKA: Mrs. William Griffin Lewis :) Not to freak out or anything, but I just realized that I have A LOT of little personal things that I have to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Get my dress fitted
2. Change my gym-routine
3. Get the day-of timeline sorted out
4. Get a certain thing for a certain someone
5. Pack
6. and I'm sure there's more....no need to stress..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, I'm about to leave because I just can't be in this back cubicle anymore..... adios

the mysteries of monograms....

Maybe it's because I'm gettting married in less than 3 months....but I've recently beccome very interested in the "do's and don'ts" of MONOGRAMMING.  I found a really good website that really helped :)

turns out...it's another blog....


http://addresstoimpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/write-way-monograms.html

Whose Name Goes First?

So before we discuss the couple's monogram, we should first decide whose name goes first?

One of the most common mistakes when choosing the text for the front of your note card is the order in which a married couple's name appears. Below are a few examples of the correct and incorrect way to write your married names:

Correct: Hillary and Russell

Incorrect: Russell and Hillary

*A bride's name should always be printed before a groom's name. The reason for this is that she is given away to her groom and thus should be first.

Correct: Hillary and Russell Jordan

Incorrect: Russell and Hillary Jordan

*A man should never be separated from his last name. Thus when you write Russell and Hillary Jordan, the and Hillary part is separating Russell from his last name Jordan.

Correct: Mr. and Mrs. Russell Jordan

Also Correct: Mr. and Mrs. Jordan

Incorrect: Mr. and Mrs. Russell and Hillary Jordan

Also Incorrect: Mr. and Mrs. Hillary and Russell Jordan

*If using Mr. and Mrs. for titles, only the man's name should follow the titles. The first incorrect example does not work because it breaks the rule to never separate a man from his last name. While the names are in the correct order in the second incorrect example, the names do not match the order of the titles. For example, Mr. would be matched with Hillary and Mrs. would be matched with Russell. It is best to simply use both titles with the man's first and/or last name.

Monograms for Engaged Couples

For an Engaged Couple, prior to the wedding:

Generally, the woman's name comes first until they are married. After marriage, the man's is first.

Bride-Elect's First Name Initial – Groom-Elect's Last Name Initial – Groom Elect's First Name Initial

For example, a monogram for Stacey Anger and Ray Carter, whom are engaged to be married in May, will appear:

S C R

Monograms for Couples

The following Monograms for Couples are both appropriate. It is just a matter of personal preference.

The letters in a contemporary three-initial monogram for couples are typically positioned in the following order, with the center letter larger than the two on either side:

Wife's First Name Initial – Couple's Last Name Initial – Husband's First Name Initial

For example, a monogram for Hillary and Russell Jordan will appear:

H J R

The letters in a traditional three-initial monogram for couples are typically positioned in the following order, with the center letter larger than the two on either side:

Husband's First Name Initial – Couple's Last Name Initial – Wife's First Name Initial

For example, a monogram for Hillary and Russell Jordan will appear:

R J H

 

passion:awakening

Today---gross.

But I spent a good majority of it in my car just worshipping, crying, singing, crying, shouting, crying, etc.  I had to get away from the office, and was very fortunate and blessed to have my boss give me stuff to do outside of the office.  :)  It was PERFECT.  Just what I needed to re-group and get my focuses back to where they should be.  I just worshipped.  I literally almost ran off the interstate a couple of times because I was really getting into it (safety first---I do NOT suggest closing your eyes or letting an excessive amount of tears overtake you....yea).  Well, it was really really great for me.  Christy Nockels and Chris Tomlin together equal TOTALLY ANNOINTED!!!! Gosh, what a dream.....

While I had some time in the car, I started to also think about the many things that are placed inside of me that I dream to do and accomplish...to experience.  It was good Madeleine time.  Much needed. I feel super refreshed and just cannot wait to get back into my car so that I can do it all over again. 

ps:  Shara McKee's version of "Worshipping You" puts Deluge out back!!!!!  Seriously...check it out!

Oh, and Chris Tomlin and Christy Nockels' version of "Where the Spirit of the Lord is"....SPEECHLESS!!!!

vent session

Please excuse me while I vent:

Today has been one of those days where you have to label it "one of those days" ..... It kinda just started out weird....

Okay, so there is this individual at work who is the epitomy of ANNOYING, AGGRAVATING, LAZY, UNINTERESTING, AND BLAND.  From the second this person walks in the door, I get the creeps....but I do try and give this person the benefit of the doubt every morning...but then things just happen throughout the day that add to the fact that it's simply a waste to have this person on staff. Yes, this is rather brutal---- but it's just how I feel...and I'm just going to be blunt and honest about it.  So, of course this has completely upset my day!! It all started with people not being able to communicate and just assuming that I can be in 3 different places at once (I say 3 because that is exactly how many places they assumed I'd be) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  So, it all boils down to me not being able to get lunch/have my relaxation hour and being responsible for doing all sorts of ish! yeah.....

So now, I must wait an extra hour to simply do nothing....and wait to set up a patient....THEN I can leave!!!!

PTL.

counting down 100...

Yesterday was 100 days until the wedding!!! I seriously cannot wait!!! My sweet fiance sent me a beautiful assortment of flowers :) with a note that reads: "Counting down the days, 100 more to go!! I love you, Griffin" (granted they spelled his name griffEn...but I wont hold that against them).  But I just thought that was SO stinkin thoughtful! He literally is ALWAYS putting me first...wonderful...simply wonderful!

Well, now....it's Friday, and Griff's family came in last night...so imagine how difficult it was for me to get up and actually go to work today!!! Simply no motivation today!!! NONE! NOOOOOOONE!

So, I'm trying to busy myself and not think about things....you know, like going to lunch, lounging around the house until I want to get dresses, driving across the causeway, galavanting throughout the city, taking my time at the gym for a good workout....things like that.... :)

So I've been trying to set my mind on the task at hand.....(just give me a few moments and I'll come up with a "task").....haha

Anywho----I hope that everyone enjoys their weekend!! I know I will!!! I can't wait for this work-day to be over!!!!

the single most frustrating thing about me

The reality is:  I can say "I don't care" until I am blue in the face...but I really do.  I really care...about everything.

I'm that person that cares so much...loves so deeply...trusts too easily.  Yep, that's me.  And a lot of times it makes situations a whole lot more difficult than they ever were intended to be.

So saying that...I feel much better.

pit pat pit pat

I wish it would rain. 

I cannot even truly express how much joy it brings me to wake up and see it cloudy.  It's the anticipation of the storm that captivates me; the scutter of the animal life in the hurry to find shelter; the thrill of the possibility of "evacuation"; the pitter-patter of raindrops splattering among the plants; and the comfort of knowing that I can opt to stay dry....

I just love the rain.

It reminds me a lot of my childhood.  [HAHA...this is about to get real embarrassing.]  Okay, so whenever it would be STORMING---and I mean STORMING--- Camille (my sister) and I would get this rickety plastic red wagon and pile: ponchos, old plastic things that we could use as imaginary news cameras (yes, I said "news cameras"), umbrellas, microphones made of a pencil wrapped in aluminum foil (gotta get uber creative at that age), and of course things that could blow in the wind easily.  HAHA! Well, we would take all this "junk" outside and pretend that we were meteorologists :)  Of course we would sometimes really film it...and watching those old home videos, you would not stop laughing.  We were so serious.  Haha.  So anytime it is raining outside, I am reminded of those videos....and the countless hours we laughed and cried!!! HAHAHAA!!!!

heat advisory????

What the HECK is up with the HEAT!!!!????!??!??! It is SOOO hot outside and I am about to just lose it! I am literally miserable trying to function everyday.  It is disgusting outside, and very difficult to breathe! GROSS!!!

uuuuggghhhhhhhhhh

a part of the sacred romance

I get this daily subscription to "Daily Readings by John and Stasi Eldridge"....and some days its really really good.  Today was one of those days.  I think its because this is a concept I really havent thought about in a really long time...but the reality is:  IT'S  VERY REAL.  And that is what really drew me to dwell on it a little more, thus sharing it with you :)

He Spurned God's Love and Lost Everything

"Our enemy is the angel Lucifer, son of the morning, one of the first and highest angels God created. He is the antagonist in the Sacred Romance-the great villain. All other villains are only a shadow of him. He is the one God gave a place of honor and trust "among the fiery stones" of the courts of heaven and who sees God face-to-face even to this day. He is one who spurned God's love and lost everything good through the sin of presumption. His desire was, and still is, to possess everything that belongs to God, including the worship of all those whom God loves. And God, as the Author of the great Story in which we are all living, has mysteriously allowed him a certain freedom to harass and oppress the other characters in the play, sometimes in a severe manner.

In some ways, due to his great age and dark wisdom, Satan knows us better than we know ourselves. The one purpose of his heart is the destruction of all that God loves, particularly his beloved. He stalks us day and night, as the Lord tells us through Peter: "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8). Peter makes it clear he is talking especially to believers, saying in verse 9, "Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoingthe same kind of sufferings" (emphasis added)."

(The Sacred Romance , 101-2)

 

 

neat. huh??

bookworm

I am about to start reading my THIRD book for this month!!!! Where do I find the time?  Seriously, I don't know.  I think that I am a very strangely-quick reader....because the only times I really find to read are in the slow parts of my day when I'm waiting on a patient/client or right before I go to bed.  But usually, I am so tired that I can't gather enough energy to even think about pulling a book out.  However, I have discovered a new author that I am absolutely in love with her style of writing, Deeanne Gist.  I'm pretty sure I've already blogged about her before, but I REALLY LOVE HER BOOKS!!! I'm on her third one, and already I am aching to see when she is going to come out with a new novel (even though I still have about 4 more of her current books to read).  But that's kinda how I am when it comes to authors.  If I find someone that I really like, I hold on until the pages are falling out of their books I have read them so much.  All and all, Lori Wick still remains my number one Christian fiction author.  But seriously, if you are looking for a really good read, check Deanne Gist out! She really is a very innovative writer.  I find myself utterly engrossed in each word on the page!!!! She's THAT good!!!

anywho....this is the first one I read....

it is soooo worth it!!!

this is the second...

very intriguing.  Absolutely kept me on my feet :)

and this is the one I'm about to start :)

multivitamin...check yes :)

So....recently I've become a little more concerned with the overall health of my body.  Not sure whether it is because I'm getting married soon (and will have to think of someone other than myself), but I've really strated thinking a lot about vitamins.  Call me a whack-o, but I do know that taking vitamins really is a great thing! So, I've decided to go on the search....

Here was the first choice :)

and here is what I ended up with :)

So....Now that I've got that under control....I am starting to take my vitamin...once a day of course.

money money money...yuck

What NOT to do on a Monday morning.....look up your bank account!!!!! Yeah, I just HATE whenever I think that I have a certain amount in the bank; only to realize that is TOTALLY not the case!  So right now, I am on a "no spend spree".  Hopefully this will last awhile. :)

But when I really think about it, I don't spend money on stupid things.  Most, if not all, goes to food and gas.  (ugh, the pains of a responsible adult).  I just hate the stress of money!!! (I'm pretty sure no one is a big fan, but I particularly DONT like it--which, I'm sure is a very irresponsible thing to say) Well, I said it.

What is really going to be hard is this fall.  There are a multitude of purchases I will be needing to make...the wedding is coming up, christmas, birthdays....fall clothes....(okay, probably can omit "fall clothes" [insert sad face]) But really, the fall is always a busy season for the bank account.  Hopefully, I can show some restraint :)

Of "Pride and Prejudice"

Hands down.  Favorite novel and film----PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!!! I get so inspired by the works of the lovely Jane Austen.  Ever since I was first introduced to P&P, I instantly became an avid reader.  I, for certain, attribute my love and passion for reading to this fine novel. 
What sparked this topic??? Well, there are definitely more women in my office than men.  Sooooo---- since my desk is right by the back door, I get to greet everyone the second they walk in the door.  This also allots me the chance to spark up any degree of conversation with whomever walks in the door first.  Well, I always have a book of some sort on my desk.  Today, I had a new novel by Deanne Gist/J. Mark Bertrand.  One of my co-workers asked me if it was good, and I was describing the type of author she is.  I started to tell her my love for a certain time period....and then that started the conversations about Jane Austen and P&P!!!!! Gosh, I have so much appreciation for people that share in my respect for reading.  And here's the clencher: a lot of people (not everyone) equate ":readers" with boring stuffy non-fiction topics, HOWEVER, while there are some REALLY REALLY good non-fiction books out there, I truly believe that fiction is really important also.  It's good to condition your creative imagination.  While knowlege is important, so is creativity. So,  branch out and read some fiction. :)

Thus, I have a favorite quote from P&P:
 "I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child), I was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased."
--Chapter 58

The bolded part is probably one of my favorite lines ever!!! What draws me so much to the way Jane Austen wrote this novel is how in every line, whether it be a narration or dictation, you can sense and feel the devotion and adoration.  I love that with each statemet, there are so many meanings you can derive from them.  That, to me, is what makes it so real. 
Gosh, I wish I could write like that....Or really had the courage to just start outlining a book of my own!! I would love that creative freedom to just express.  What a talent!!!

new thinking

I've been really attempting this new thought proscess....It's on the lines of "changing my attitude towards my job, thus rendering my day more productive and positive" :)  And, well, it's actually worked pretty well these last few days (I really just started it Monday morning).  In truth, I don't hate my job.  I really don't.  It's just not an avenue that I feel super challenged in. BUT---I do enjoy certain aspects of it :) 

For instance, it's really quite laid back (which is really fortunate and nice).  I'm also learning a lot about a subject I really was not schooled in (nor really thought was that important).  But, I do love a cause and I'm really feeling like I'm helping people in different ways.  It's really been good for me to be optimistic towards life.  I have noticed a SIGNIFICANT difference in my day-to-day.  But I've also noticed that I really haven't felt the need to complain about mindless things that no one really cares about!!! So, even though it is only 3 days in....I'm thinking things are looking on the up and up.

Next---My head is just constantly killing me.  I'm really not sure what is going on...but I've got this consistent drone in the innermost region of my skull.  It's not everyday, but it is VERY apparent when it does decide to visit :)

Finally---It's papa's bday today!!! So I'm really excited about the bday plans for tonight!!! I just really really love and appreciate my family. There honestly is NOT a word that fully describes the love I have for them.  Bc I didn't choose my family, but am SO blessed to be a part of it :)

Happy Birthday Pops!!!

yes, i own crocs

So, I've recently re-discovered my love for crocs....yes, CROCS...as in, the rubbery-gardening-nurse-old woman-comfy shoey thing....Well, I must confess that this is actually my second pair of the things.  I remember it like it was yesterday when my mom bought be some BRIGHT PINK "original design" that were too big, but still SO COMFORTABLE!!! (I actually still have them--haha) but I genuinely loved them.  Now, let me let you know what I was wearing whenever I would wear them:  Rainy days in college.  Me, gauchos, fitted-T, bright pink crocs, red/black raincoat.  I really was a fashion icon on those particular days.  And, yes, I did say gauchos.  Remember when those pants/capris/skirts were like "the thing"??? I was seriously obsessed with them and still to this day have my same pair---original style, of course :)

Any way, this weekend while at the beach (shout out to the fam for being so spontaneous and fun!!!), we stopped at Foley in order to just "make a few purchases".  As we were leaving the polo store, my dad said that he wanted to go and check out the Crocs.  Well, that turned into Griffin and I going in and succumbing to the fact that crocs are very comfortable and thus, we needed a pair.  So....of course I didn't want the generic type.  No, that simply would not do.  I had to find the bright red mary-janes with the rhinestone on the side....hahaha.  Yes, my friends...when I do crocs...I do crocs....

And of course I am wearing them today with my stylish black scrubs :)  Comfy comfy comfy.  I seriously do think that everyone should invest in the $29.99 purchase.  I mean, you don't have to get the ugly clogs.  You can actually find a cute pair of ballet flats, wedges (yes, I know), or mary-janes (like me).  Seriously....its a great investment!!!

priorities

I just love it when you get the opportunity to re-realize what's important in your life....Well, tomorrow is my mom's birthday!!!! And, as you may/maynot know, birthdays are a REALLY BIG deal in my family.  I didn't know if I was going to be able to come for the entire weekend celebration, but in the end....it all worked out and I genuinely give all the credit to the Lord!!!

This particular season of life is difficult on a close-knit family....that's about to experience a bit of separation.  4 months until I'm a married woman, and to my family...things will change.  I won't be a "yell" away...they will actually have to call (likewise the same for me in return).  So, for me to have the opportunity to take two days off of work (when I really don't have any more days left) and be able to spend it with my family....AHHHHH I'm so excited!!! And the best part: Griff is coming up too :)

But I think it took this for me to realize that family comes first!

No matter what....I'll always have my family :)

listening

I like to think of myself as a good listener.  I' ve tried (over the past few years) to really stop giving my opinion so much...and just listen.  I think I've sort of got it down pat.  And truthfully, it helps me to process what the other person is saying in order to really be the most helpful I can be.  In doing that, I have started to develop a greater sense of what patience really is.  Trust me...not easy.  But I've noticed that careful listening really does bring radical change...and lasting fruit in my actions.  I've even noticed this in my walk with the Lord...
Lately I could totally categorize myself in James 1:23-24 "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."  It's like I'm given this impression that I'm growing in the Word, but im just simply growing in knowlege...thus, no real change.  So, I've really been focusing on LISTENING.  Letting the word sink into my hearts; meditating on it; building my life around it so that it will, in turn, become a part of me; defining my identity...and my behavior.
A lot easier said than done...but I love the results :)

sleepy sleepy sleepy

I am soooooo exhausted!!!!

I literally can feel how tired I am in the imaginary "puffiness" below my eyes....It's like a thickness that brings my head down.  Thus, all I can think about is sleep.....

and I have 3 hours left of work....how convenient :)

recap

So my extended weekend has finally come to a close :(And let me tell you, I have enjoyed (throroughly) every single minute of it!!!  It started out on Friday after work....Griff and I headed to Kosciusko for a relaxing evening with his folks (my future in-folks) before the crazy weekend began.  Saturday we woke up REALLY REALLY early to head up north.  When I tell you we were in the car for FOREVER...I am NOT kidding.  I honestly did not think that we would EVER get there.  I tried really hard to be enthusiastic and entertaining while Griffin was driving so early in the morning----but I ended up waking up 30 minutes later asking: "how much longer" :)  I'm sure he appreciated that...haha.  Well, all I can say is: it was worth it.  Every single thing about the lake, the boat, the people...was simply wonderful.  I enjoyed every moment of my holiday weekend at the lake!!!
But let me tell you----from the second we got there, we never stopped laughing.  If you can picture a 6'3" man trying to sleep in a 4x6 bed frame....yes, I'm exaggerating...but not really.  It was hysterical! I fell off the boat.  Yes, FELL.OFF.THE.BOAT.  Griff thought that I was "dead", so he jumped in after me.  I was laughing so hard I didn't get any water in my mouth :)  I think I fell in the boat about...hmmmm.....8 times.  I totally have the bruises to prove it.  Griff and I had to sleep in a different location every night but it was pretty funny.  We met so many wonderful people---I'm anxiously awaiting Independence Day 2011---I never thougth age 60+ could be so much fun.  Seriously.  I loved it :)
Then we made the trek back and cleaned the house...in preparation for all of my treasures!!! haha.

The weekend was capped off with a viewing of Eclipse.  I must say---disappointed.  The books are MUCH better :)

comfy cozy

I thought I'd take a few minutes to describe how comfy cozy my cute little "office" is.  Now, it's not exactly your standard "office".  I mean, it has 3 "walls"...I guess it would be more like a cubicle.  And there's no window, but I've worked with what I've got.  I must say---its pretty darn cutesy :)

I have a vanilla icing candle lit, and precious desk lamb, jelly beans (in case I need a snack), a variety of colored post-its, and an assortment of pens and highlighters :)  What makes my special space even more "special" is the 4 books I have propped up against my filer...makes it a little more homey.

Random thought:  Have you ever been in a position where you had to make several decisions in a very short period of time...yet you had to make everyone happy????  It's very draining.  I'm honored to be in that position, but I'm so tired as it is...and it's raining outside.  I just want to curl up in a blanket with a good book or movie and be so very content.  Oh, Dear Jesus, help me have a good attitude and not be selfish!!!

freely given

Funny how God works----

I'm reading my devotional and for some reason I'm just having the hardest time getting connected to today's reading.  So right before I just check out, I get to one sentence that had me dig a little deeper....
"...He is the answer.  The world seeks wisdom and our God has given us the mind of Christ (1 Cor2:16).  So I go to look up the verse, and I read it over and over again.

"For who has known the mind of Christ that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ."

Just in that small, simple verse, I am completely amazed and perplexed.  I can't believe that we are able to behold the mindset of our Lord!!! To think that he entrusts us with that just BLOWS ME AWAY!!!  So, of course I don't just stop there....I proceed to back up to the beginning of 1 Corinithians 2 and just read away.  I forget how much I love this book!!!  It about brings me to tears to be reminded that God has truly prepared and defined AWESOMENESS for us.  It says it plain as day:

"'No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him' 

but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit".

The fact that we can know what God's thoughts are towards us just has be stunned and amazed.  Through our relationship with Christ and His Spirit, we are able to understand what God has given us...without cost.  WOW!

granite!!!

In the car today I started day dreaming about my wedding day (because the reality hit me that it's 4 months away!!!!), and I laughed out loud when I envisioned myself falling flat on my face after they "pronounce you mr. and mrs. william griffin lewis"....literally, I saw myself falling!!! I started laughing and almost got nervous because that could TOTALLY happen!!! And it really wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary.... haha.

So---new news :) We are getting granite put into the bathrooms on THURSDAY!!!! I cannot wait!!! I'm so excited! What does that mean??? We have to pick out sinks and faucets and fixtures :)  I am sooo excited! And in honor of one of our favorite shoes (Cougar Town) I'm thinking a "bathroom warming party" will be a necessity!  AHHHH!!!! Who would have thought I'd be so excited about SINKS?!?!?!?!?!

to clarify

The last post was when I first SAW griffin....not when I first met him....

the basic story

Okay, before I get started...let me just go ahead and say what you're probably already thinking....I'm a hopeless romantic.  Yes...I am.  But I don't usually just sit contemplating love and romance 24/7.  There actually is something that usually spurs it on....like for instance: Josh Groban and cloudy days.  AHHHHH!!!!  Can I just tell you how mellow I am right now???? Super-duper-mellow-maddi.  Not. Even. Kidding.  I was going across the causeway towards the city when I just decided I was sick of listening to whatever was on the radio...so I put Mr. Groban on.  OH MY!!! First off, have I told you that my fiance can sing? And have I told you that his pitch is strangely similar to the famous Groban???? Well, it is true :) lucky me!!!! (and yes, I DO know what I am talking about---he sang "You Raise Me Up" at church this weekend....my dad cried....so you know he's legit....it's normal if I cry)  But anyway....I put Josh Groban in and just could not let myself merely listen to him on the suggested 70% volume level...he was pretty much creeping towards 90%.  I just could not stop smiling.  The sky was perfect, too.  There were SO many cumulous clouds in the sky; patches of grey; patches of bright blue.  Perfect.  And I then started to think about love...and I started to think about how much I love Griffin.  I also started to think about the very first time I saw "him".....

Normally, I would keep this super private....but I just have to share a little bit of "The Story".  I was actually the first person to notice Griffin (shocking...he's 6'3") but really....it was actually about 2 years before we even met.  He was singing on stage at church---and I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  He looked older, and at that point in my life I wasn't really thinking about dating, so I assured myself he was one of those guys that either didnt wear his wedding ring (stupid), or he was engaged/in a serious relationship.  In my head, there was absolutely no way that he was single (let alone would be interested in me).  And the strangest thing about it: he had a very close resemblence to "the guy" in my head that I pictured in my imagination whenever I would read romance novels....I know this sounds silly, but I can't even really explain to you what happened in my heart---just that first time.  It was like I had found him...and he existed.  And truly, that's all I needed to know.  He existed--regardless of whether or not we ever met--the Lord actually created this perfect specimen that I had dreamed about.  ANYWAY--- during worship, I would glance up every now and then and just look at him.  I know I had this weird questioning face because it was like a dream or one of those moments in the movies or books you read, that you know aren't real.  TOTAL OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE!!! I remember going home that night and journalling.  I remember I saved one line to say: "So I saw a guy today on stage...looks just like "him"...really strange feeling..."  Yeah....so as time is going by (I'm still in college), I see him every once in awhile when I am at church at home.  And EVERY single time that I see him my heart does this flippy-floppy thing.  I seriously cannot explain it. 

so anyway...that's the first time I met Griffin.... and that's the basic story :)

completely random "self-interview"

I feel all worlds of sick right now.  My stomach will absolutely NOT settle down!!! Nevertheless, I'm still here at work because it is better than being in the chaos of my family home on a Wednesday..... You see, I've pretty much got it down to a science.  There are certain days (and times) that I will find complete rest and peace in my family home....however, there are also certain days and times where I should NOT even consider the option.  I come from a family of 2 hard working parents, 4 kids, 3 dogs (now 2) and 1 cat (princess---poor dear).  It is CHAOS at the max the majority of the time.  Honestly, I like it.  I've never really known any different---until being afforded the opportunity to live on my own for a time....that's when I realized how much I really enjoyed my own space and the quaint solitude I was afforded in the morning and during my lunch break.  I've been learning to treasure these moments because its approaching the time when I will be on my own, and the craziness will be a short distance away. :)

Now, since I am ever increasingly bored right now....I think I'll just ramble a little bit to pass the time:

What are my thoughts on this mid-week day?  Well, honestly, these last few days have been very stressful.  Work is just work.  There is nothing that spices up the day, and I'm starting to find myself turning into a cyclical bore.  I've been noticing that the enthusiasm is draining out of my spirit.  I'm no longer that super excited individual in the evenings...I just kinda exist.  AND I HATE THAT!!!!  I don't know what needs to change...but something does!!! So my thoughts today are to really focus on the positive.  To strive to find me again.  I know its still inside...its just ACHING to come out!!!!

If I could go anywhere right now....where would I go?  The beach.  Hands down.  There is just something about the beach that calms me.  It's not like the drive of a big city...you can just relax and do whatever the heck you want :)  But I definitely think it would be something on the Atlantic coast....I'm kinda in the mood for something different like that...but still the beach.

At this moment right now, plan the perfect day:  Okay....the perfect day right now....well, lets say it was tomorrow...I would want to sleep until I woke up, which would probably be around 8:30.  I'd like to go to the gym and work out for about 1hr30min and SHOWER---of course.  Then, I'd love to go to brunch with Griffin and just laugh and talk.  I'd love to walk with him around a town or mall or something...and just dream about our future home and life together.  Then, I'd love to lay out and just listen to some easy listening music, maybe even read this book I'm trying to finish.  I'd like to shower again and get all dressed up (not necessarily dressy...just heels and a fun outfit) and go out to either BR for Tsunami or to NOLA for a good time with Griff and friends.  Then I'd like to close the evening with watching the stars with Griffin...saying good night...and journaling all about it :)

puffy eyes

I'll have to devote an entire entry (later on) to the late Buster Brown Mula (fearless first pet--chocolate lab)....just typing his name makes me lose it...and I have a patient in 2 minutes....

not sure why i wrote this...haha

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to accomplish through today's entry....but I just felt compelled to blog....Not exaclty sure why...but I just do.....

Lately I've been a journaling fiend.  I usually am pretty consistent with journaling...but lately its been about everyday.  Normally, it's about 3or4 times a week.  I guess there has just been quite a lot of things that have been going on that I have felt compelled to talk about.  My journal is more like every single inner thought or feeling that I cannot really explain.  There are various writing styles throughout the pages of my journal: pictures, prayers, conversations, emotional rampages (haha), songs... I'm pretty sure it should be burned when I die...I mean, who would seriously want to bother themselves (and waste their time) with the petty things that clog my brain.  A lot of times it is an outlet...other times, it is merely an expression; a way that I can communicate what I actually intended to say from the start....but guess what...no one reads it, so it once again remains...not communicated...secretive almost. 

Well, it's been good for me to get out everything on the pages...but I'm a big "communication" person, so I've been thinking that maybe some of the things that I have been writing in my journal need to be talked out with someone else.  Its not bad stuff.  It's just that the journal can't exactly talk back, soooo you get what I'm saying.  I need to just talk some things out (personal goals and stuff) that have just been plaguing my head and heart....

okayy....this was a ridiculous post...sorry you had to read that

:)

the author in me

If I could write a book, I would.  I mean, not based on my life...but kinda...and it would be in the catagory of FICTION/COMEDY....because I would, of course, change the names to all the people. 

Why am I talking about this??? I'm not really sure.  I honestly don't have that great of an answer for ya, but I do know that I seriously have been contemplating it for awhile.  I just dont know exactly what it takes to "write a novel".  Maybe if I go into Barnes and Noble, I'll find something along the lines of "The Idiots Guide to Being an Author".  Maybe I'll go searching tomorrow.....

Well, let me just explain to you WHY my life could be a novel....I mean, because it would include chapters like this:

CHAPTER 12
       What seemed like pure luck, perfect timing, and the beginnings of an unforgettable night, only turned out to be one of those experiences where you choose to laugh emphatically for fear you may never stop crying. 
        The tall, charming, and handsome beau was on his way to claim the love of his life.  He had all intentions of making tonight so very memorable; so very perfect.  What he didn't expect was the sight of his soon-to-be bride curled up on the floor of the bathroom, wrenching at the pipes under the sink, with tears pouring down her face.  As he was beginning to hear his heart pounding out of his chest in one quick moment, he quickly rushes to her side to console her and try and understand what was going on.  Between sighs, gasps, and tearstained eyes she finally musters out something about losing her ring.  Yes, her engagement ring......


Okay....so that would be the beginning of the chapter.  It would be a long chapter...since Friday was a LONG night!!!

HAHA. 

Okay, here is what happened.  I decided that I wanted to clean my ring.  My boss had let me off of work 3 hours early, so I was really looking forward to what the night had to hold.  All I knew was that Griffin was suprising me tonight, and then we were going to go and hang out with friends at the Ritz.  Well, I told myself that I "was not going to leave the bathroom until that ring was back on my finger".  The last thing I remembered was putting the ring on and admiring what a fine job I did with cleaning it.  From that point forward I just remember putting on my perfume, finishing touches on my makeup and my jewelry.  Then I looked in the mirror (I actually felt pretty), then I looked at my hand...WIGGED OUT!!!! It was like it was a terrible joke...or a nightmare.  Because at that point, I was tearing my room apart.  I looked at the time and realized that Griffin would be at my house in less than 10 minutes. I HAD to find the ring before he got there.  What on earth was I going to do???  I all of a sudden had an idea (a crazy idea) that it was in the sink.  So, without thinking (or turning the water off), I proceed to unscrew the pipes under the sink.  This is where Griffin finds me: on my knees, crying crying crying, all dressed up, shaking...freaking out!!! He was like: "What on earth is wrong??" So I tell him...I'm like shaking uncontrollably.  It was really sweet because he then just cups my face and tells me to start from the beginning.  All I could do was listen. :)  As I'm verbally and mentally walking through everything I was doing...I suddenly realize that I had taken my ring off to put lotion on my legs....because I didn't want to mess up my newly cleaned ring....hahahaahahahahahahahahaaaaa.

Then, I get treated like a princess.  Seriously...my fiance is amazing.  (and that's not even a good enough word).

Towards the end of the night...all we wanted to do was get across the causeway....we get a flat tire in NEW ORLEANS...we were stuck on the side of the road from 1:00am to 3:30am.  We did not get home until 4:10am.  Yes, this is true.  and all because of a tire.

That is the synopsis....

love my life :)

a colorful desk (or "dest" if you prefer)

Not kidding...I'm like a kid in a candy store (or Griffin when he even so much as thinks about chocolate) when it comes to office supplies.  I can almost be a snob about it.  Walmart's selections just doesnt cut it.  Nothing says "Hello Desk" like a colorful assortment of highlighters, pens, sticky-notes :D, and paperclips!!!! Yeeesssssss!!!! I just love it.  Well, its sad, but I actually look forward to the times when the office is "out of supplies" and I need to make a quick run. 

I mean, THE SMELL---the ORGANIZATION---the COLLECTION of anything and everything you may need to make your tiny little work space totally bearable.  I'm smiling right now as I am admiring the tidiness of my small work space here....this morning my desk appeared rather gloomy and grey....now, it's like a work of art!!! I'm pretty sure I could put this in a portfolio if I wanted!!! LOVE.IT.

So anyway....I may be crazy (okay, I am)...but I just seriously love office supplies.  I know that a lot of girls can probably relate, but I was definitely "that" child that could not WAIT for the beginning of school/end of summer so that I could go shopping for uniforms, school shoes, pencil boxes (remember those??), looseleaf paper (now its all about laptops...dumb), binders (the zippy ones with all the pockets for pens and pencils), personal pencil sharpeners, Elmer's glue, new crayons (there is nothing like opening up a crayon box for the FIRST time), markers, colored pencils....you name it....I totally was ALL about it.  And yes, now that I have a degree, and am in the professional world, I am STILL obsessed with getting fun supplies for my office!!!

:)