another one today...

So I am just a blogging machine today. Honestly, it's because the office was EXTREMELY slow.  [slow meaning nothing to do].  Anyway, I figured that I might as well blog about my feelings instead of just wallowing in them in this very cold office...all by myself.

So I'm frustrated.  I have this tendancy to hold onto peoples' words...assuming they mean what they say.  I end up getting let down occasionally.  No big deal.  I mean, it's life, and everything is not always going to go how you want it to.  But there are just those handful of people that you really believe in what they say.  (see, already I feel better...that's what writing/typing does for me). 

I enjoy spending time with people.  Especially those special people in my life... I hold onto everything they say like it's gold.  Aaaaaaand of course, I set myself up for being let down.  I understand that people will let you down.  We're human, and it's in our selfish nature.  I mean, I let people down all the time.  It's just frustrating, because I set myself up for it, and I know it will happen again....I don't think it's ignorance.  I'm not choosing to "overlook" it.  I just truly don't ever think that someone's going to go back on their word...or whatever it was that they said.

Okay....now that's out.  I feel better. Much better.

1920s party recap

Okay I just had to post these pictures!!! It's from a 1920's party that we went to in December 2009..... just use your imagination.  So Griff and I went as "Prohibition".  But of course we dressed up the minimum amount we could....so we would still look good...of course.  HAHAHA!!!!

Pieces

I wish so bad for one day....one day where I can sleep until I awake, be in my pj's until I get to climb back into bed, and just "be".  I need one day to really gather all of my thoughts and allow myself to be put back together.

Reason being: I'm kinda all over the place.  And since I've had the past two days to think--a lot.  I need to get back to that mentality...that place where I really understand myself and my reasoning for things. Like...I need an attitude adjustment.  I need to pray consistently for the things that really plague me.  I've just kinda been praying "occasionally", because I just...well, there really is no excuse.  I just sometimes dont want to deal with it.

I know God has a really really great plan.  I know He isn't going to leave me...nor is He going to just sit back and watch me fail over and over again without giving me some nudge the right way.  I have to trust that.  I have to faithfully surrender my heart to Him.  I'm not saying it's the easiest thing in the world.  I'd know...I've been up and down this road before.  Today, I'm choosing to trust; choosing to be faithful; choosing to believe...before it gets to the point where that's all I have left.

I'm counting all of my blessings.  Being optimistic about today...because tomorrow is a new day, and I will get there in the morrow.

I'm smiling because I feel the presence of the Lord surrounding me right now.  Gonna be a fun road ahead :)

Warning: Heart Strings Unleashed...tread carefully

Okay...so we are about to get into some serious honesty waters.  Just to forewarn: I'm going to be very honest...and just write/type (whatever).  It's already very apparent that I am a passionate person.  So since that is already established, there is really no need for me to try and justify it :) haha.

For many many years (well, it really seems like as long as I've been alive), I have struggled with figuring out that big questionmark...life.  Yes, this is a very common struggle.  Something very normal, especially during the ages 18-25.  But I've started to realize that everytime I get in "that place" where I just feel like I'm "existing" (and not moving forward in anyway/making a difference) it goes back to ONE single concept.  What is that thing that has been embossed as a distinct passion in my heart? Worship. Yeah, I'll say it again....worship.  I didn't say lead, I didn't say sing, I didn't say play....I just said worship...because that is what I meant. 

There is a purity to the word whenever I hear it or say it...whenever I contemplate it and meditate on it.  But I feel as if that purity has been slightly altered over the years...by human-nature.  We're all human.  Yes, thank you Captain Obvious. So, this is not a "bashing session".  I'm just being honest...opening up, I guess.  Let's take a few steps back....

Picture the most self-less scene you can imagine.  Have you ever been overseas? Or in part of town where there are MANY people that fit into that "less fortunate" catagory?  Then....picture their worship.  Can you feel the heart of the people? It's not about what it sounds like....or what vocalist or instrument is coming in when...or where exactly the direction of the song is.  It's simply about the heart.  No matter who you are, something happens inside a person when music is played.  Whether they start dancing, jumping up, singing, tapping their foot, or running for cover because the mere sound of a beat leads them to a migraine :).  So yeah, something happens.  It all goes back to the physiology of our bodies...of our heart.  Yeah, I said it...I'm a biologist.  Our heart is wired to a "beat".  Without the syncronization of the lub dub, there really is no life.  Therefore, nothing gets done.  So when I say it all goes back to "the heart"...I'm not kidding.

Okay, back to the point.  There is a purity that exists there.  A wholeness and innocence that can really only be experienced.  So when I say that I'm just "not feeling it"...I mean I'm having a hard time connected with the purity of the worship.  Yes, there are other cards that come into play: bitterness, the enemy coming in, anger....all that stuff.  But I'm simply talking about the purity of worship.  It just really makes me sad.  Because worship is so simple to me. Simple.  And I believe that's how it was intended to be.

I know that the Lord is preparing me.  I know that He is creating a song inside of me...whatever it may look like (and it doesn't even have to be music related).  I've already been alotted to see images of the masterpiece...I mean, He's already blessed me so much with my family, career, Griffin....what more could a girl want? :)  It's just so funny how the Lord reveals His plan in increments...

I'm blessed, and I'm happy. 
Phil 2.13

inspired

So, I've recently become interested in design....It's probably due to the fact that Griffin and I registered this weekend for our "dinnerware" and cutesy things for our home :)  I've always really loved decorating and that whole "artsey" side of the brain.  I think I'm geared more towards that...at least I consider my shoe collection a work of art.  But anywhoo----I really am into design theory and concepts. 

I've been brainstorming with different color combinations/themes that would really make a home very "Griffin and Madeleine".  It's nice that Griff and I both share the same appreciation for certain decor.

He loves the straight lines.  Masculine.  I love the frill.  Feminine.  We both love the "simple statement".  So, together we've come up with a "Classic Anthro" love.  It's that Mississippi charm he loves so much....with a little bit of Maddi :)

I'm excited.  He's very talented when it comes to putting things together.  He can visualize the most extrodinary ideas...he just needs a little "feminine touch" from me.  I'm soooo blessed to be getting married to him.  Seriously.

With that being said....registering was fun :)  Once we got past the whole: "What do you like? No, what do you like?"....it was a blast.  The dinnerware was the hardest part.  I mean...that was really stressful.  But hey, its done now... if you go to http://www.vietri.com/ you can see what we like.  And we really like it :)

throb throb throb

I've got an increasing headache...I've had one the past three days.  It started out as something very mild...constant, yet mild.  Now it has progressed into an on-going throb. ON.GOING.


I can't even type anything else!!!!!

quirky

There are some things in life that you openly express.  Those quirks/issues/emotions that you gladly place as a nametag on your shirt...for everyone to see..."No big deal; no hiding; this is me".  Then....there are those things that exist within you, but you hide.  You supress all thought or motion towards them.  Finally...there are itty-bitty little quirks about you (that represent the "bigger insecurities") that start to poke their obnoxious head from time to time.

Yeah--So, I am aware today.  Because of a complete "non-issue" from last night...I am realizing that I need to address certain insecurities in my life before I can really step forward. 

I'm confident in who I am.  Sometimes, Satan reveals his ugly head and whispers frustrations to my soul.  It's in those moments (even though it may not be instantaneously....) where the Holy Spirit speaks LIFE inside of me.  Needless to say...I woke up this morning refreshed.  With a new perspective :)

C.R.

So, I've just returned from a very wonderful extravaganza in COSTA RICA.  Yes, it was a blast....however, not uber restful.  I had the great opportunity to accompany my mother and youngest sister on Ceci's HS education/mission trip to the beloved country of C.R.  There were many a "funny" moment---lets just say "zip.line".  Yes, dear friends...ziplining/canyoning...whatever you call it.  It was hysterical, and I think I literally pulled my arm out of socket....

---work calls...ill finish this later...