insomnia

I haven't really been sleeping all that well as of late.  It's either, I can't get to sleep, or I wake up constantly either having to go to the bathroom or  just tossing and turning.  I never really realized how much is actually on my mind until this morning.....  I've been waking up the last several nights from nightmares.  They are all different, but leave me feeling so yucky.  Last night's was particularly awful. 

I don't like nightmares...I mean, I don't really know who does....but still, I don't like them.  The whole concept of the dream may have started from my thoughts were rummaging through my head right before sleep claimed me.  And so, of course, throughout my dream I was either frustrated, running, or upset.  But then it doesn't end there..... So, I get up....then I have the hardest time getting any sort of energy throughout the day. It's pretty much a lose lose situation.  Fabulous.

I just wish the nightmares would stop.  I almost don't even want to go to sleep anymore.....

So then, this morning, I realize that my mind just hasn't stopped.  I want everything to be so perfect for November 13th, that I'm just focusing soooo much on it....it's messing with my head. 

D-Day is getting really really close, and I'm soooo excited!!!! ( I just wish I could sleep!)

:)

17 days

So it's officially 17 days until the BIG DAY! Crazy how time really does fly....yet it seems like its dragging on. Strange.  But everything is really coming together quite well.  I just finished getting all of the programs done for the ceremony...that was such a HUGE fiasco.  Honestly....you don't realize all of the things that just "come up". Putting together a ceremony program that was short, to the point, classy, yet not super expensive, and would still say everything that we needed to say....was really like trying to find a freckle that was shaped like Canada.  Yeah, that difficult.  And you really wouldn't think that.  But it was.  Phew---its done now :) PRAISE THE LORD!

come away

Truth: it has been quite some time since I have updated the blog.  Life's been kinda crazy!! My mind has been on about 500,000 things and my physical self has actually started to feel it.  In truth, I haven't really been feeling well for about a week now.  Progressively, I've started to lose my voice...and a LOT of sleep.  So, its been really difficult to be productive day-to-day.  I haven't been able to exercise quite as often as I would like, because I start wheezing when I take a step....this crud has now gotten into my lungs.  Joy. :)

But even admist all this yuck that I've been feeling.  I have really been reflective and contemplative lately.  I've had ample opportunity to just think about me...about what is to come...and to prepare myself for the big "change".  I feel truly blessed.  I've been working on counting my blessings day-to-day...because it is VERY easy for me to get real negative about my job, bogged down about living with my parents, or just stressed because I don't "feel like my body is in wedding mode" (get my drift, ladies???).... So I've really had to make a conscious effort to focus on Christ.  First and foremost.  To start my day with Truth instead of lies.... to focus on the positive...and to remember that NO MATTER what may happen in my day, Christ is still my light! He's my constant.  What's pretty neat, is I have actually seen a difference in my attitude.  If I can give anyone a word of advice: Don't take work home! Sure, vent and get some things out because I know that God puts people in our lives for that reason...but don't take everything out on one person.  Look at your "home" as a safe haven, a place of rest, an escape.  I know I do. Random fact about me:  I love to just lay down on the floor of my closet and think sometimes...Often I cry....often I laugh....often I think "what the h*** are you doing down there?!?!?! hahaha.  But seriously... you need a place where you can get away and just be left alone to recharge.  I mean, the Lord begs us to "come away with Him"....so do it :)

ps: the smell of this Orleans Pumpkin Spice Candle is absolutely AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fall is SO HERE!

Here's to fall!!

Have you ever stopped to think about all the millions of different personalities that clothes can give us??? Well, you probably subconsciously have. :) I mean, ANOTHER great reason why I love FALL so much, is because there are SO very many different experssions of "me". 

I can be rocker chic in my leather bomber and studded heels

I can be sophisticated barbie in my mini with tights and ankle boots

I can be a storty-book cowgirl with jeans and broken-in cowboy boots

I can be the trendy first mate with  knee-high boots, a flowy blouse, and a vest :)

AHHH!! I just love fall so much! So many expressions of me, and so many fun things to wear.  Sometimes, I get so anxious throughout the day just thinking about what I'm going to wear later that evening...or even the next day.  Some would call that "insanity or crazy" but it's just a passion.  I love to dress; I love to dress other people; I love to just create through fashion.

Whenever I help someone pick out and outfit or mix and match, or simply just give them the "thats perfect to wear", I truly feel accomplished.  We live in a society now that, sadly, values the "outer appearance" way more than they should.  Now, before you start calling me hypocritical let me explain myself.  I really feel that it is VERY important to feel good about how you look on the outside.  It reflects, a lot of times, what you are internally dealing with....For someone who is WAY overdressed for a casual coffee date is probably needing some reassurance in their life. And yes, I'm probably reading into this way more than I should...but whatever :)

Anyway--here's to fall!!!

Takin' It Old School...

There is NO SHAME in swooning!!! Seriously.  I was just reading an article about how women AND men are starting to prefer and adopt the more traditional-old-fashioned romantic conventions of a relationship.  LOVE IT!

You see, I've always been a sort of "old-fashioned gal".  I love the door being opened whether I'm dressed up or not, being whisked away for a surprise date, casually getting my wallet out at the end of the meal anticipating the gentleman in front of me to say: "oh, no I got it", "I was raised better than letting a girl pay for a meal". Or in the case with my fiance:  "PUT THE CARD DOWN!!! [insert eye roll] You're not paying, Madeleine, and you know it." UGH, he totally caught on to my little game! :)

But I really just love that old-fashioned romance.  There really is no shame in "swooning a little" (Women's Health.20Oct2010.pg102).  Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD. stated that "No matter how powerful and independent they are, women still want to be pursued, protected, and cared for by their partners." So true.  I remember distinctly my parents telling me that they didn't think that I would EVER marry.  They said that I was too independent...too headstrong.  Well, funny, there was actually someone in this world who is a little more headstrong than I....bless him.  Haha.  No but really, no matter how much of a bad-A I tried to be....I still desired (and desire now) to be pursued. [and yes, I am blessed in that regard.  My fiance never stops finding ways to make me feel like royalty]

And if you think about it....being "wooed" feels GREAT! It's actually been proven that it boosts your dopamine levels (the NT--neurotransmitter-- that is responsible for creating that romantic high) and the brain hormone oxytocin (which fosters feelings of attachment to a person). Hmmmm....interesting.

So I mean....you can't argue with this.  So boys----SWOON.  Take your dear maiden out and make her feel so precious to you.  And Girls----let him. :)

the up :)

I think at heart, I am a writer.  I've always wanted to write a book...and I've honestly talked about it for years.  It's the only way that I can really express everything that I want to.  Good, Bad, Ugly, Beautiful.  Everything.  I love to journal because it helps me to get it all out.  When I'm stressed, I can't write fast enough....so, in turn, I blog.  Well, I apologize for how negative it has progressively gotten... :( so sorry.  I can't stand a pessimist...and of course I have become hypocritical in that.  So, I will turn my frown upside down and look at the bright side of life...and the funny things that I never document anymore.  Like for instance:  The place where I move just moved locations.  We kinda moved unexpectedly (meaning: day of---pack up and move).  Gotta love spontaneity. :)  Well, my desk is conveniently located in the back "storage area"...i kinda like that.... and, of course, that is the area in the office that was not finished.  So...I got to spend the first of my week with some very enthusiastic Mexicans.  (They really were from Mexico---not being racist---just politically correct).  sooooo..... They just LOVED to talk.  In Spanish.  And of course, I "think" I'm fluent in the Spanish language because I took a million classes in college....but of course...I can NOT speak it well.  So I tried to listen---to no avail.  Just me looking and feeling like a complete imbecile. Haha.  I just figured I'd try to be cultured and "expand my mind".  Right... haha