30 March 2010

shoe frustration!!!!

Not even kidding....I have been searching for these stupid shoes that I saw in a magazine for like...EVER!!!! and I can't find them ANYWHERE!!!!

Of course, I would like the shoes that the models are wearing...I didn't even observe the add, or the purpose of it...I just went straight to the feet...and was completely mezmerized!!!  So, me and my crazy addiction decided to email the providers and ask what designer makes those shoes....and they have NOT gotten back with me.  I'm like freaking out.... Do they not understand how important "shoes" are????? It's like the most essential part to the ensemble!

Yes, I have a problem.  I admit it.  I love shoes.  I just think they are super fun...and I DEFINITELY LOVE the fact that I get to pick out shoes for my bridesmaids.  I'm doing something SUPER fun; something that will definitely have the girls excited to wear....Because the majority of the people that attend the wedding know of my obsession with shoes, so they (of course) will be looking straight at the feet.  And have no fear, I will shock everyone as well. :)

If I were to go to therapy for this "issue", I'm sure the therapist would ask me: What makes the thought of a "shoe" so enticing????

I would have to reply with:  "There's just a thrill to the "unexpected", I guess.  I love a simple, classic, outfit...with a pop of pizazz at the feet.  Traditionally you expect people to look at you from the top, so normally one would suggest you fix your hair, put make up on....wear fun earrings.  Yes, these are all nice things....but what if you really like your feet???? And there are SO many different types of shoes!!!! I mean, you can only wear a blouse so many different ways....but SHOES....endless possibilities."

Of course, he/she would then ask:  "I see your point, when can we go shopping????"

So, alas, there really is no issue.  Shoes are inspiring.... :)

29 March 2010

where to begin...

I don't even know where to begin. 

I feel like I'm just teaming with all sorts of feelings and thoughts that I just want to explode out onto this paper/screen.  So much has happened this weekend....to the point where I don't even feel like there was a "weekend" at all.  I'm emotionally and mentally spent.  Completely exhausted.  However...I'd do it all over again, for the sheer fact that positivity and growth came out of it. 

I'm a passionate person.  No doubt about it.  I dont wish that I were any less passionate than I already am...because that is often times what fuels my actions...good or bad.  But I will definitely fight to the grave for those I love and care about.  I WILL choose to stand in the gap---whether you want me to or not.  It's what I do.  I love that.  I like being connected to the deepest parts of people that I care most about.  No matter how "ugly" the issues may be...I'm walking with you through it.  SERIOUS.

[gotta finish this later...have to go back to work]

24 March 2010

life lesson

I had a very interesting day yesterday....Ever have those moments where you find yourself wondering "What am I supposed to do? What is my purpose?  What am I really good at? What are my definitive passions?"  Yeah, I know for a fact that those are questions that plague everyone.

Well, yesterday...after the chaos of the work day subsided, I was just talking everything out with my fiance (he is so wise and very eloquent, seriously).  There was a second where I just felt like I was not able to move forward....like I could see the road ahead...but for some reason, was not allowed to progress in that genre....to really pursue and nurture the things in my life that I believe are true gifts/talents from the Lord.  It was so frustrating.  To the point where I just sat back and let it out.  And it was good.

I've realized that sometimes the "reality" of life is hard to grasp; to completely and fully accept.  Because the truth of the matter is: I don't believe I was made to just "accept" something as normal.  I'm such a digger...discerner...motivator....that I can't just sit back and look at something that doesn't feel right as "okay".  Well, sadly I'm too chicken (for lack of a better term) to really step out and say something up front...because what if it isn't my place????  Then again, when is it EVER someone's "place". 

So...I'm teachable.  Trying to get through this "life lesson" without simply just passing.  I'm actually trying to see the whole point of it.

And yes, I get it.

16 March 2010


Let's discuss exhaustion.


There is probably something to be concerned about when you are stopped at a red light and decide to shut your eyes for a moment...just because you can rest for approximately 13 seconds.  Well, then once you open your eyes, you're either more tired...and aggitated...than you were before you "cat napped" in the driver's seat, or you are just once again made more self aware to the fact that you wont get a vacation for awhile.

Let's also talk about the dangers of closing your eyes while in control of a vehicle.....not a good idea.  Don't really need to say much more.

Well, in order to keep me awake...I'm going to need to get my brain working on that whole "office blog" I was very intentially supposed to start---yeah, that went real far.  HA. 

I will start that soon....promise....

15 March 2010

i dont even know what to name this

I'm so tired.  Seriously.  I woke up this morning and contemplated coming up with some sort of excuse to just STAY IN BED!!!! And right now...as I am sitting at my desk...I'm realizing that I did NOT make the right decision.  Totally should have come down with SOMETHING.

Even though this past weekend was completely productive and successful, it was by no means restful...at all.  So, good news:  we have a reception and ceremony venue for the wedding!!! SO FUN :)  Now its all the fun fabulous details that I get to think of now....THAT'S what I'm excited about.  However, I think I totally have to be conscious in order to be productive.  Yeah...thats kinda a necessity.

So.......probably wont rest until....hmmmmm.....next weekend.  And in the mean time... (totally not kidding when I say this) I really might get sick.  I feel it coming.  You know when you are just not resting at all, constantly thinking about the next twenty-bazillion things you have to do in the next 24, 72, 96 hours...and you just all of a sudden feel yourself slowly fading---you're not really as productive as you "could be" if you included some "me time" into your day. 

Here's the problem....the "me time" that I want requires me laying down, eyes closed, timer in place (rotating every 15/30minutes for even-ness), oil in hand, music in the background....next to a pool/beach...yes people....I'm in DESPERATE need of a vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's so flippin' beautiful outside!!! It's perfect weather to add a much needed amount of color to my skin.  I'M IRRIDESCENT, PEOPLE!!!!!

Well, for now, I'll just tinker away at my keyboard....(and I am referring to the "keyboard" that is completely disinteresting with absolutely NO sound coming out whenever I hit a key...other than the monotone click click click click...yeah, you get it)

anyway...life is good :)
seriously.  I'm very happy, and i DO consider myself blessed!!!!!

09 March 2010

plan plan plan

Its funny how right after a MAJOR breakdown, something great usually follows.  Its almost as if the Lord has to get me to the point where I am completely and solely relying on HIM.  Okay, yeah...of course He does. HAHA.

Last night I had a very difficult discussion with some very important people in my life...we talked about the wedding...details details details.  I cried, cried some more...then cried again.  Basically, I cried myself to sleep.  I just want to make sure everyone is happy.  I got to the point where I completely lost sight of what I wanted...what I had dreamed about since I was a little girl.

Then out of the blue...my precious mother calls me saying: WE GOT A CHURCH!!!! So now, I can be excited again.  I'm smiling...same sense of humor (or at least I think I'm funny :D) haha.

Everything is going to work out.  Just the way its supposed to. 

Griff told me: "The only thing that matters is you and I. And on November 14th, we'll be married away."

:) love that man.  God is so good :)

03 March 2010

the office

Okay...so "The Office" has now become a reality...I pretty much am changing my blogging theme to "The Sleep Lab" (basic similarity to the popular TV sitcom: "The Office"...not even kidding).  I have taken it upon myself to document what goes on in the daily life of "The Sleep Lab" aka: I'm not going to list the company name for privacy reasons. (I'm sure there is some legal-issue).  Anyway--- I will establish characters based off of real people and document the hilarious, random, and very typical workings of each of the individuals that work here.  Some people might morph into two characters depending on the severity of the situation. 

[this is fiction...]