02 June 2011

lets get honest

Honest moment: 

So, its been awhile since I've updated the blog...mostly because I just can't think of anything to write that isn't uber personal or somewhat comical.  Probably because I can't stop "thinking".  I can't seem to get "planning my future" out of my head....Lately, I've been thinking about it constantly....should I go to med school; should I pursue grad school (and in what???); should I not get a cat; should I get my RPSGT; should I pursue a totally different career????? It might be because my sister is in town (just graduated college and is pursuing her career goals that my fam is uber impressed about...or it could be that my cousin just graduated med school and is about to embark in her residency...or it could be that I just feel like a wasted brain. I don't really know what it is.  And I'm even to the point that I can't really talk about it or even pray about it.  It makes me upset and even more confused than when I started with "Dear God...".  I'm a thinker, a visionary, and a dreamer.  But I'm also quite driven.....and in this "rut that just gets rutt-ier and rutt-ier" I'm having quite a difficult time finding the motivating glow.  Everytime I start thinking on that downward spiral, I hear the word "patience".  BAAAHHHH! Such an annoying word....especially when you have no idea what that is even going to look like.

anyway---needed to get that out.