26 February 2010

busy busy busy

So I haven't exactly had the time to update my blog as often as I would have liked....wedding planning sure does get the best of you....especially when it is your own.  Sooooo, I've been stressed. I'll be blunt. Completely and utterly making myself sick because we CANNOT and I emphasize canNOT find a location for the ceremony.  We've now got two dates to work with, but I still really want the first one to happen...if I've learned anything so far: patience.  But something inside of me will not give up on the vision I've had since I was little....so with that said, I'm super happy and excited.  All I really care about is seeing Griffin at the end of "whatever aisle it ends up being".  That's what its about.  He and I. :)

I CANT FLIPPIN WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ps: He's been extremely patient with me....I've been a "tad" overwhelmed :) haha.

22 February 2010

here's my white candle :)

So here it goes....planning has already begun...I'm still in such shock...I don't think I've stopped smiling!!! I cannot believe that after all those countless hours of dreaming and hoping and wishing, it is FINALLY a reality! I'll never forget that day, that moment, that look...as long as I live.  I get to spend the REST OF MY LIFE with the man that I am madly in love with.  Not even kidding...God is so good!!! So good! If you only knew the story...it really is storybook...but then again, it's not fiction.  It's real!!!!!

I AM ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could write for hours and hours about details....I totally could....but then again, I probably wouldnt be able to use my fingers for the next 3 days...and I need them to do normal things like: lifting weights, eating, washing my hair...you know... the typical things :)

But yes, I'm engaged :) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! So excited!!!

It is going to be such a whirlwind...and so fun! Life is about to change....and I just can't wait!

17 February 2010

watching the clock tick....tick....tick.....

An attempt at biding the time until I am able to leave at 4pm.

I thought maybe I could start writing that novel I have been meaning to write.  Yes, I have seriously considered writing a novel.  I'm not sure if it's just to prove to all of my past English teachers that I can write....or whether I really just feel the "urge" to write a novel. 

So I started.  Yes, I started "outlining" (or whatever you do to first establish some specifics).  I didn't quite make it past the first line.  If I am wanting to write a book based on specific things in my life (a fictional book, of course), then it's probably not acceptable to use the "real names" of the people I would be referring to.


So, that didnt last very long.  Next, I attempted to study for the GMAT.  And "attempted" would be the key word there.

Finally, I decided blogging was best.  But then again, I feel bad...because I kinda don't like when people just blog about nothing.  Then again, I guess that is totally and completely subjective.  I'm sure plenty people view my blogging as a bunch of "nothing". I never really claimed it as "something to be talked about". Hahaha. 

Guess I've been pretty hypocritical about that....well, lovely.

what I like about my job

I've decided that I'm going to be optimistic about the things that I like about my job:

(list format, of course)

1.  I have the benefits of "super-quick" internet access (of course, when the internet is actually working)
2.  I am able to update my blog more often....cause I'm infront of a computer...all...day....
3.  I get to listen to "stories of old" from patients (the retired ones)
4.  I was able to order my favorite lip gloss!!!! (once you get a good one, stock up!!!)
5.  I have become quite the efficient faxer....
6.  I've mastered doing multiple things at once (i.e. talking on the phone, taking notes, faxing, scanning, updating the database, taking out the trash...all while eating lunch)
7.  I can make it across town and back in less than 30 minutes (because now, that is all the time I have for lunch)

That's all I can think of right now....I'm sure there are so many more things....

til then----

08 February 2010


Literally....My eyes are continually closing....

I have a headache from the lack of caffeine...I need coffee...but I can't really leave the office.  Such is my life :)

I'm starting a new company right now and CANT WAIT to get it kicked off!!! I'm ready to start doing something else that actually demands practical portions of my time....somehting that I can actually enjoying waking up in the morning for....

I'm so tired.

"Hopeless Romantic"

So, some would call me a hopeless romantic.  And yes, as many times as I've tried to convince people otherwise...or myself for that matter...I've realized it's true.  And I'm totally going with it :) haha.

Like for instance, the superbowl game last night.....WHO DAT!!!! (had to get that out) But in all seriousness...totally lost it when I watched Drew Brees with his little boy on the field after the game! I cannot believe that!!!! Totally a sap for that stuff.  And then to see his wife too....ahhh, I just love it.

And then, of course, there's always the moments when I'm reading things where the "romance" of it just jumps out at me.  For so long I kinda thought of myself as that "typical girl who always day dreams of the romantic parts of life".  But I've realized:
1. I'm not crazy
2. It's normal.

Here's what spurred that:

The King Who Loved a Humble Maiden

Here is Soren Kierkegaard’s version of the story:
Suppose there was a king who loved a humble maiden. The king was like no other king. No one dared breathe a word against him, for he had the strength to crush all opponents. And yet this mighty king was melted by love for a humble maiden. How could he declare his love for her? In an odd sort of way, his kingliness tied his hands. If he brought her to the palace and crowned her head with jewels and clothed her body in royal robes, she would surely not resist—no one dared resist him. But would she love him?

She would say she loved him, of course, but would she truly? Or would she live with him in fear, nursing a private grief for the life she had left behind? Would she be happy at his side? How could he know? If he rode to her forest cottage in his royal carriage, with an armed escort waving bright banners, that too would overwhelm her. He did not want a cringing subject. He wanted a lover, an equal. He wanted her to forget that he was a king and she a humble maiden and to let shared love cross the gulf between them. For it is only in love that the unequal can be made equal. (as quoted in Disappointment with God )

The king clothes himself as a beggar and renounces his throne in order to win her hand. The Incarnation, the life and the death of Jesus, answers once and for all the question, “What is God’s heart toward me?” This is why Paul says in Romans 5, “Look here, at the Cross. Here is the demonstration of God’s heart. At the point of our deepest betrayal, when we had run our farthest from him and gotten so lost in the woods we could never find our way home, God came and died to rescue us.”
(The Sacred Romance , 80–81)

05 February 2010

WHO DAT!!!!!

literally....WHO DAT NATION done be gettin all CRA CRA on us!!!! It is insane all of the hype!!! It's so encouraging and motivating to be a part of the energy.  But seriously, most schools and businesses are shutting down Monday after the SuperBowl....REGARDLESS of what happens... It's awesome.  Then, most schools...again...and most businessses are shutting down half a day on Tuesday because of the Saint's parade that night.  It's gonna be INSANE!!!! I can't wait! I'm so pumped to be a part of this once in a lifetime hype!

Gonna be AWESOME!!!!

Happy to be a WHO DAT!!!!!

stand up and get CRUNK!!!!

04 February 2010

last night

Last night was one of those nights you don't plan.  It was one of those times where you "think" one thing is going to happen...you're all geared up and ready to go...then another totally unexpected thing occurs.  Well, last night I was a part of the youth worship team (which has become a normal routine-thing to do on a wednesday night for me).  I was totally ready to kick off another aspect of this series that pastor j is doing....the worship team is practicing...all of a sudden we run into a wall.  Legit wall.  The songs aren't really sounding right, the words are all confused and mushed together, AND we don't have a keyboard player.  Inner turmoil for Madeleine.  Inside there was this fight going on: you can play the piano, you love to play the piano, speak up, no don't speak up, you're there to sing.  It hits me like a ton of bricks and I just start hearing myself say: "I can play".  It was NOT me speaking at all....then, there I am ....playing the keys for one of my favorite songs: "you wont relent". 

It's hard to really convey what was going on...because my first love in music is worshipping while playing the piano and singing.  And I got to do that last night.  Something just happens to me when my hands hit the ivory keys....Even though there was no mic to my mouth, there was totally sound and worship being emitted.  I was emmersing myself so much into worship that I even hit a wrong key...hahaha.  I was like: "Lord, I worship you....B IS NOT IN THIS CHORD!" It was pretty funny!!!!

But all in all, it was beautiful.  Seriously.  I keep on replaying that moment over and over in my head...I can't really explain it to you.  The presence of the Lord totally fell....really did.  And I'm really glad that moment was taken advantage of WHEN it happened.  Because sometimes I feel like worship is rushed and overlooked...just to get to the "meat" of the whole "point of going to church".  Maybe it's just cause my heart is so linked to the musical aspect of worship, that I feel this way.... But there is something about that special MOMENT.  That instance of time where you fell the Spirit descend on you and you are left with nothing other than words of praise, adoration, and love...in turn you may cry, smile, fall on your knees, or just start praying.

I'm not putting a timeline on when and where God can "come", because there isn't.  But in turn, there is also no reason to rush it either.

All in all, I was very blessed. Very blessed to see that transpire last night :)

Okay, I'm getting off my high horse.

02 February 2010

wanted to share this:

I want to share something that I just read....Something that I almost deleted because I was so sick and tired of staring at a computer. 

"Our story begins with the hero in love. As Frederick Buechner reminds us, “God does not need the Creation in order to have something to love because within himself love happens.”
And yet, what kind of love? There are selfish forms of love, relationships that create closed systems, impenetrable to outsiders. Real love creates a generous openness. Have you ever been so caught up in something that you just had to share it? When you are walking alone in the woods, something takes your breath away—a sunset, a waterfall, the simple song of a bird—and you think, If only my beloved were here. The best things in life were meant to be shared. That is why married lovers want to increase their joy by having children. And so it is with God. “Father,” Jesus says, “I want those you gave me to be with me, right where I am. I want them to be one heart and mind with us” (John 17). Overflowing with the generosity that comes from the abundance of real love, he creates us to share in the joy of this heroic intimacy. "
(The Sacred Romance , 73–74)
I'm an individual that relishes in life.  I try to take advantage of EVERY moment...and not just breeze through life.  I'm a passionate individual that is very enthusiastic about life.  haha.  Sometimes it's my downfall...but all in all, its appreciated by the one's I love the most.  I realize that my current season has me, yes a VERY MUCH PEOPLE PERSON, stuck in front of a computer...not a whole lot of social interaction....accept with elderly people....And I look on days like today and just want to be OUTSIDE!!! I miss that part of my life where I was able to take time and really just do whatever I wanted....I could write cards to loved ones, journal, spend time in the Word, write music, nap :)....I miss that. I feel like one day it will get there again.  I miss emmersing myslelf in other people's lives...
I really miss the close-knit relationships I had with my girlfriends.  I pray that I'll get that again....maybe another season.

beware of the shadow

Yeah....so it's groundhog day.  Apparently the groundhog has seen his shadow and we will be experiencing 6 more weeks of winter.  To that I say: "Define W.I.N.T.E.R."

Yes, the idea of "winter" here in La is COMPLETELY different to those precious idealistic cartoons drawn on in a 2nd grade classroom....its more than likely, muggy, rainy, cloudy, nasty weather.  It's cool though. I tolerate it (even though I did not choose to live here).

Here's the clencher: I heard on the radio this morning (yes, I do enjoy talk-radio in the early hours of the morning) that apparently the groundhog in Ohio and the "National" Groundhog have completely different views on what their predictions are going to be.  You just can't trust those things....  haha, naturally I had all my trust in the groudhog. I thought that was pretty funny.

Second: Tonight is the season premier of LOST!  I just dont think you quite understand how HURAGE!!!!! this is!!! Like this is going to be the EPOC to my spring!!!! I can't wait!!!!!

It also makes me sad sometimes though....