Some may call me pathetic, but I'm choosing to dismiss that suggestion. I like to think of my reaction to not having my husband with me for 21 days as more of an outright display of my endearing, unconditional love for him. I was sooo very good this week/weekend leading up to "the departure". Yes, there were several moments I would catch my breath getting short and my eyes starting to get foggy, but I would supress it as best I could and cherish the moments that I did have with my husband before he had to go out of town for work. And so since I never really let myself think about it, when the time did come where he handed over the keys to his car and pulled me into the warmest embrace, I LOST it....im talking L.O.S.T. it. I hated seeing him walk towards the terminal without me on his arm trying to get all of the "check-in" paperwork ready... :( sad. And then the whole ride (alone) back to the house I was trying to convince myself that it is NOT SAFE to cry while driving on an interstate...that didn't work. And all of this isn't because I'm "overly-dependent", its because I enjoy being with my husband. It warms my heart knowing that I'm safe when I'm sleeping at night, and that I can always count on him being near if I need something. It's someone to talk to all day-any day and someone to just be near...just because. I mean, he's my best friend. In all honesty, I really don't like being physically alone. I have this warped thing called "an imagination" that can kinda get out of hand sometimes....and Griffin offers a calming spirit. Needless to say, I've been praying 24/7 for my imagination not to be overtaken by the stupid things it thinks up....
So, yeah, I miss him. A lot. But what I am trying to focus on right now, is this time where its really just me and God. Getting to pray over my husband and his job, and our household...and our future. I'm so proud of Griffin and what he is accomplishing up there and learning....and so I've taken it upon myself to have a good attitude about it and be his biggest encourager while he is up there....because he's up there by himself. I, at least, have family and friends here. (but I still miss him)
With that, I leave you :)
I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this....haha. sorry.
01 February 2011
I don't know what it is about the cloudy, rainy days....but it is ever so good for my soul. Then again, the bright and sunny days are too :) [I take it I'm inspired by nature...guilty] But today is one of those "about to be catagorized as extreme weather" days and I just LOVE it. It makes me very nostalgic and quiet. It makes me ponder and observe. It just makes me very cuddly (if that's even a word---just go with it). Truthfully, people that know me would say I'm always thinking...so this is nothing different. But it kinda is..... When the weather changes, I think about my life and where exactly it's at. I dream, I pray for visions, I contemplate. And even admist the craziness of the day to day, I am confident that the Lord has His hand over my life and has me in the exact place He would. I've been consuming my thoughts lately with questions/doubts (i hate to admit) about my professional life....but recently I was made very aware that I really have NO excuse to ever doubt the Lord's hand on my life (no matter what season I'm in) because He really has shown himself in a very real way to me. [long story about how I met my husband] So, I'm totally confident in this season.... :)