P90X

Okay,  So I'm back to P90X.  Yes, and I AM FEELING IT today! I had this great idea at the beginning of the week that I should probably put a little more "umph" in my workout.  I've been basically doing the same 2-3 week cycle changing everything up on that timeline...for about 2 1/2 years now.  Sooooo, yesterday....instead of going to the gym....i psyched myself up about P90X.  Yes, the first time I heard the "overly chipper" voice coming out of the TV....I knew that I was about to sell my body to the pain and agony of that they call P90X. 

And, even though I wanted to give up...after every rep, basically....I pressed on, dear friends...I pressed on.  Of course, I felt really good when I walked up to my room.  I looked at myself a little bit better...until I felt like an utter "squash" (squash- idiotic, mindless, clueless fool usually found in an embarrassing situation without realizing how embarassing it actually is...aka: squash i.e. awkward vegetable).  So there.  I am attempting a new strategy...not just because bathing suit season is quickly approaching.  Okay, yes, because bathing suit season is quickly approaching I have realized that it is no longer acceptable to say: I'll worry about that in February....cause it's JANUARY 29TH, PEOPLE!!!!!!

Time to get it together.  So let the pain begin. 

Popular Nonsense

So this was my "daily reading" portion today.  It made me think....it also made me realize a lot of things about myself too. 

Let me paint a picture in your head:  You stand there/sit there, completely frozen to any other elation than the "undescribable" emotion that is penetrating your body.  You're motionless.  In your chest, throat, and stomach you start to almost shake completely from the inside.  As if there is something inside of you that is about to explode.  But then again, you identify a tinge of anxiety in your stomach that seems all to familiar.  What is going on??? You really can't explain it...but you're excited, nervous, terrified...all at the same time. 

Well, that has been me recently.

And today, I've identified it as "the emotion of the heart".  The deepest parts of a person are all within the emotion of the heart.  Everything that a person desires, believes in, trusts, and identifies with are all a part of that emotion.  When I read this exerpt...I understood....so I thought I'd share:

Popular Nonsense

"This is not to say the heart is only swirling emotion, mixed motives, and dark desire, without thought or reason. Far from it. According to Scripture, the heart is also where we do our deepest thinking. “Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their hearts,” is a common phrase in the Gospels. This might be most surprising for those who have accepted the Great Modern Mistake that “the mind equals reason and the heart equals emotion.” Most people believe that. I heard it again, just last night, from a very astute and devoted young man. “The mind is our reason; the heart is emotion,” he said. What popular nonsense. Solomon is remembered as the wisest man ever, and it was not because of the size of his brain. Rather, when God invited him to ask for anything in all the world, Solomon asked for a wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).

Our deepest thoughts are held in our hearts. Scripture itself claims to be “sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Heb. 4:12). Not the feelings of the heart, the thoughts of the heart. Remember, when the shepherds reported the news that a company of angels had brought them out in the field, Mary “pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19), as you do when some news of great import keeps you up in the middle of the night. If you have a fear of heights, no amount of reasoning will get you to go bungee jumping. And if you are asked why you’re paralyzed at the thought of it, you won’t be able to explain. It is not rational, but it is your conviction nonetheless. Thus, the writer of Proverbs preempts Freud by about two thousand years when he says, “As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Prov. 23:7 KJV). It is the thoughts and intents of the heart that shape a person’s life. "

(Waking the Dead , 44–45)

 

self esteem kick...

So I had jury duty yesterday.  Yes, I am a registered voter and am now able to be selected for "jury duty".  Lovely.  Okay, I'll admit...I was kinda excited/really excited about going....the whole "political/law" side of the world I have no interaction with what-so-ever.  I mean...It's always been medicine in my family.  Anyway...I got to the court house at 8:50ish and didn't leave until 4pm.  All to just sit around, get psyched into being selected...all to just sit around again...to just get a piece of paper saying I have to come back on Wednesday.  Yeah.

MEANWHILE....So I'm walking up the stairs to the courthouse.  Picture a massive expansion of blatant oblivion in the monstrosity of what they call "front stairs".  Then place me, yes me, walking up the stairs in gold heels to compliment my black ensemble...all for the SAINTS of course....and in a split second, I am no longer walking up the stairs.  No, I have completely busted it on front steps of the courthouse.  Yes, I am flat on my face.  A very nice gentleman decides it's probably best if I hold his hand the rest of the way up. HAHAAHAHA.  I blame it on my "bad knees" (what? I really do have bad knees...now at least) :)

Okay, So I'm going through security (after having completely embarassed myself) and I set off the alarm....I get summoned to do the whole "hands out and let me frisk you" deal...all to realize that the buttons on my pants are unhooked.  This means that there is a flap of pant fabric, near the zipper, that is just hanging out....EMBARASSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah...talk about a check of pride.

Well...there isn't really anything deep that is floating around in my head today.  Nor has anything incredibly exciting happened. I'm just kinda existing right now....coasting through the work day.  I'm practically by myself today in the office.  I was finished with all of my work at 10 this morning...and have just been online browsing...reading up on social and political news.  Seriously, working here has really kept me up to date and SUPER informed with what is going on in the world we live in.  Oh....big news....I registered for the GMAT.  Kinda out of the blue...but I needed to just gunny-up and DO IT! So, I registered. Yeah, I'm taking the GMAT May 25th.  Yeah.

Holy guac...I'M TAKING THE GMAT MAY 25TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Okay, I feel better. :)

HAHAHA.

Well, okay. Bye.

it's hit me

It's really hit me, and I've finally admitted to it.  I'm burdened by what has happened in Haiti. 

Typically, I deal with things by...not really dealing with them at first.  I require a sort of "marination" over everything first before I actually admit to myself that I'm affected in some way, shape, or form.  So, yeah.  I'm burdened by it all.  I'm admitting that I'm committing to praying for that country.  I don't know how exactly to direct my prayers...but the Lord never required us to KNOW that.  He said that He sent the Spirit to intervene on our behalf for these sorts of things....so, here goes...

WOW

So.... I started today feeling completely and utterly broadsided.  You know that feeling when you open your eyes semi-conscious and not fully engaged in the "idea of morning...a new day"....you're just not really awake yet...and then you physically lift your head from the pillow/mattress/floor (wherever you call "bed") and suddenly feel like a pack of wild buffalo or herding gazelle completely trample your body???? Yeah...well maybe not that dramatic, but you get the point.

Basically I woke up to the strangest feeling.  And all day I have been thinking.  Thinking about my life, my goals, my dreams, my character, my emotions, my now.  I guess I've re-connected with certain parts of "me" that I was so close to losing touch with.  For starters: I usually view my stubborn independence as something that is looked down upon.  I used to be so "needy", I guess you could say, until an experience occurred where I had no choice but to focus on who I, Madeleine Mula, could be defined as.  I was left with nothing but hope, faith, and steadfast belief in the Bigger Power that I serve and rely on.  From that moment on, I became very independent.  And I laugh when I say that (type that...whatever, you get the point) because I am so convinced that "I" can do (insert task here) quickly and efficiently and basically can just DO whatever, that I tend to run myself over.  But something that I've just come to grips with today, is that the odyssey of my life is based on things that I've had to do with confidence in who it is God created me to be...independent of all other earthly and human things.  Just me and God.

I've grown increasingly closer to a part of my relationship with the Lord that I can't even really explain.  It's not a "hype" of excitement...its almost as if the romance of my love and respect for the Lord has gone to a deeper understanding. I say "understanding" because it's not about levels.  I don't believe that there are "levels of Christianity".  You either have a relationship with the Lord or not...bottom line. But I feel so confident in Christ.  So much, to the point of where I KNOW He sees me...right where I am.  He takes that bit of independence and stubborn-ness...my persistence of seeing that everyone is better than okay and pleased...my overwhelming emotional passion for life that can be---overwhelming...the constant need I have to "do"....and my inability to say "no".  Yeah, He takes all of that and makes...me.  He perfects all of the imperfections to the point where I no longer look upon them as imperfections. They're more like "highlights" to the ode of Madeleine. haha.

Anyway--- I'll continue to journal both electronically and manually and talk/type out my thoughts....It's kinda therapeutic. haha.

Go fig...this is probably my therapy...nuff said.

romance

I read probably one of the most beautiful pieces that my mind has ever comprehended this morning....It was an excerpt from "EPIC" by John Eldrege.  Gosh...it was so inspiring.  It asked for the reader to stop for a moment and to consider what the Garden of Eden actual was like.  I mean, yeah, I've pictured the most luscious vegetation teeming with life and saturated by the many crisp streams and waterfalls known to man.  I picture basically the things that the kindergarted sunday school story board laid out.  But the funny thing, is that I never considered the distinguished elk, the snow, the caterpillars, crickets, the mice....all the precious things that our Heavenly Father has created and designed for our enjoyment...that most of the times get over-looked.  Yeah...I sat for a moment and realized that in its most serene form....the Garden of Eden didn't "make sense" in the human brain.  It's hard for us to comprehend all these magnificent and fascinating things that the Lord specifically placed in one spot...the Garden...for enjoyment and  pleasure.  I think of how truly romantic this life is.  From the very first chirp of morning....to the last howl of the night.  Everything designed and created has enabled this endearing romance to be...to exist.

Life is romantic.  Depending on how you would "define" romance... but anyway...that's my schpeeeellll...

yah....

I'm so tired.  Seriously.  I got a lot of sleep last night too...like 9.5hrs....and I'm still EXHAUSTED.

Today, well, lets just say it started off really really slow.  I had already been to K-mart to pick up supplies and kinda dragged into work because I knew it was going to be a slow day.  Well, it was slow...until things "slowly but surely" started getting progressively more chaotic.  It was like an instant moment where all of a sudden my inbox was full of "do this...do that...this is IMPORTANT (in all CAPS)...can you do me a favor...hey, I need your help on...I hate to ask you this..."

It was a bunch of that...  I suddenly realized my role. 

moments

Today has been.....beautiful.  That is the best way that I can explain it.  Despite the weather (even though I enjoy the cold and rain), its just been so beautiful.  It all started with COTK's weekly Thursday morning 6am prayer.  I primarily went because Griffin was singing....however, when I got there....the Lord totally met me where I was.  There was a moment where all that I could do was just look upward and smile.  Tears started welling up in my eyes, and I knew that I was experiencing Jesus in a very peaceful way.  Peace. So much peace just descended upon my spirit.  I felt for the first time in a really long time that I was exactly where the Lord wanted me right now: Completely surrendered to Him, willing to walk through whatever door He opened, joyously accepting the opportunities (no matter how much "sense" they make) that He presents to me.  All this happened while Griff was leading worship.  It was such a beautiful moment for me because the Lord's hand is so evidently over his life.  You know those times where you can literally just feel the Lord's favor over someone's life....those moments where it's so evident that individual is walking alongside our Father??? Yeah...it was one of those.  And its not just because it's Griffin.  Actually....it's the Lord IN Griffin that was so compelling.  Anyway... that was the morning. 

OF COURSE I went back to sleep after morning worship!!!! I slept for another hour and then got ready for the day....mom brought coffee (yum!) and work was the same...but I've changed my perspective, so things are looking up. :) Then....I was treated to lunch via mom....and Griffin joined us. :) THEN....my mom and I hit some really good sales at a shoe store...like legit AWESOME sales!

So that's been the day so far.  I mean, there's not a whole lot that's been going on....and nothing "super awesome" to look forward to (except mom's chicken marsala tonight) but I'm cherishing all the little moments....all the small things that I usually overlook during the day.

So 'nuff said about that....just be encouraged and take a moment to relish "the moment".

life as a story

So, I've subscribed to John Eldrege's "Daily Readings" email a few months ago.  At first, I was super excited about it and literally was not satisfied with just one "nugget" a day.  I wanted more.  Then, as time went on....my inbox was filling up and I began to slowly not read them as consistently as I used to.  (That's so typical of things like that) Well, I started getting back into the swing of it last week.  This morning, however, it was so "right on".  I read 3 entries that I hadn't read before and they were all so intrinsicly worded that I just had to share. 

Our Lives Are Stories

If you want to get to know someone, you need to know their story. Their life is a story. It, too, has a past and a future. It, too, unfolds in a series of scenes over the course of time. Why is Grandfather so silent? Why does he drink too much? Well, let me tell you. There was a terrible battle in World War II, in the South Pacific, on an island called Okinawa. Tens of thousands of American men died or were wounded there; some of them were your grandfather’s best friends. He was there, too, and saw things he has never been able to forget.
“But in order to make you understand,” explained novelist Virginia Woolf, “to give you my life, I must tell you a story.”

I expect all of us, at one time or another, in an attempt to understand our lives or discover what we ought to do, have gone to someone else with our stories. This is not merely the province of psychotherapists and priests, but of any good friend. “Tell me what happened. Tell me your story, and I’ll try to help you make some sense of it.”

We humans share these lingering questions: “Who am I really? Why am I here? Where will I find life? What does God want of me?” The answers to these questions seem to come only when we know the rest of the story.

As Neo said in The Matrix Reloaded, “I just wish I knew what I am supposed to do.” If life is a story, what is the plot? What is your role to play? It would be good to know that, wouldn’t it? What is this all about?

I just absolutely loved what that entry was talking about.  It brought a new perspective to my eyes.  This year, since it is a new year...is all about PERSPECTIVE.