Defining Seasons in Your Life

Confession:  I know that I have not been faithful AT ALL with blogging.  This is very apparent.  The truth is, my role at the company I work for has drastically changed!  I went from shifting papers to marketing to now basically running the business....all because someone decided to lie, cheat, manipulate, and steal. The sad part of it all is this man was my dad's best friend.     

Here is the story in short: 
        The company that I work for was started by a few men wanting to start a Sleep Study business to provide a convenient outlet for patients to have a diagnostic sleep study performed at an independent sleep facility.  Well, my father ended up financially backing the company so that these men would not go under in their entrepreneurial endeavors.  Once this company started to get on its feet, my father brought his best friend into the company as to provide him with a job (since he had already lost his first one from stealing).  My dad, in good loyal faith, gave him the opportunity of a "second chance".  Two months after my dad placed him as Manager/CEO in the company, this man began to embezzle money from the company.  This lasted for 4 years.  This past February (2011), my father received some information that prompted him to confront his best friend about him frauding the company.  The man confessed to it and then went on to steal even more money from the company until July 2011.  Even after my father extended him grace and tried to let him make things right....he continued to lie, cheat, manipulate and steal.  Finally, my father absolutely could not take it any more.  I was told of what was going on in February, but I had to continue to work there all the while knowing what this man and his wife were doing to my family.  (I forgot to mention that his wife did billing in the office)  I couldn't say ANYTHING to the office...I had to pretend that I didn't know anything.  I just had to sit back and watch this man tear up my father's heart. Not only did he steal from my parents over $1million, he stole from me and my husband (the company was to be given to us) and also to our future children. They stole part of my parent's inheritance.  And I could honestly go on and on about the methods he used and how he has created such a mess even for his children...but I will spare the details.  Well, in September, my father came into the office and fired him, finally.  I will never forget my dad crying and the words that he said to his "best friend".  I will never forget it. 
       Well, now I am running the company at age 24.  Very exciting....but even more scary.  This man has left us with more bills that he conjured up over the years.  For a few weeks, we didn't know if we would even make it with all the debt this man had created for this company.  I mean, he forged so many checks and loans that my dad knew nothing about. So now, my honesty is coming forth and we are dedicated to making this company the absolute best that it can be.  It's not easy AT ALL...but I have faith.  I know that there is so much potential for this company to be phenomenal!  It's about time that there was a healthcare provider that was honest and concerned about patient care FIRST.
       So yes, this is a very defining season in my life.  Very very difficult! But God never said this life would be easy.

I swear, this would make for a very good reality show!  Or even a comedy!


Please pray for me and my family as we continue to go through all of this.   It is federal now, so it is completely out of my families hands.

ceci and driving

Last night my youngest sister decided to grace us with her presence and SPEND THE NIGHT!!! I was sooooo excited she was gonna stay with us! Of course this is our "poor week" (the week before we get paid), so we really didn't have anything that would be deemed "delicious" to cook up and eat.  So I decided to head over to my parens' house and help myself to their abounding grocery selection! (Thank God for parents and well-stocked refrigerators)!!!!  After I conjured up a few yummies, we left...that's when all the fun started!!! My precious sister is HILARIOUS! If you know Ceci, you know how quick-witted she is.  She defines "cool" in a completely AWESOME way! :)  Well, she was gonna help me cook...and that went nowhere.  So she just relaxed and decided to accompany me to the store to get some last minute milk :) Well, since she is now 15 (and has her permit), I decided it was time for her to drive ME around.  I'm pretty sure I did not stop laughing....she has this "I'm-being-cautious-so-I'm-gonna-stop-100yds-before-the-stop-sign" way to her and it is HILARIOUS!!! Needlesstosay----she definitely needs a few more rounds of driving before she is deemed "safe".  But once we came back to the house, we watched Finding Nemo and just talked. There wasn't a whole lot of "hoopla" in the evening...but it was perfect.

sometimes "FWDs" are a good thing

This was a part of an email that my dad sent me...I liked it.

READ ON.

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction...It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them (our children) to do the same." ~President Ronald Reagan

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX Nov 18, 2010

"Put me in charge . . ."

"Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for

Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans,

blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want

steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women

Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test

recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and

piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get

tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?

You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your

"home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be

inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your

own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or

you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of

trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We

will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo

and speakers and put that money toward the “common good..”

Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of

the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before

you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem,"

consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for

doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least

attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system

rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND While you are on Gov’t subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is

correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will

voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov’t

welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

Now, if you have the guts - PASS IT ON... "

today

So I prayed this morning that I would have energy and the stamina to get through this day and to really enjoy my time at work....well....still waiting for that to kick in! In the meantime, though, I am constantly thinking about this new workout regimen that I am getting slightly addicted to!!!! Crossfit.  LOVE IT! It really pushes me to the absolute worst! I really hate it when I'm doing it, but I end up feeling soooooo great after! One of my favorite aspects of it, is I get to do it with my dad and my husband.  It's pretty interesting to see the different dynamics of each person and to really see them push hard after their goals!  I honestly don't see how I could go back to a regular gym after doing this....sure it isn't super convenient---but I love it so much, I just don't care!

lets get honest

Honest moment: 

So, its been awhile since I've updated the blog...mostly because I just can't think of anything to write that isn't uber personal or somewhat comical.  Probably because I can't stop "thinking".  I can't seem to get "planning my future" out of my head....Lately, I've been thinking about it constantly....should I go to med school; should I pursue grad school (and in what???); should I not get a cat; should I get my RPSGT; should I pursue a totally different career????? It might be because my sister is in town (just graduated college and is pursuing her career goals that my fam is uber impressed about...or it could be that my cousin just graduated med school and is about to embark in her residency...or it could be that I just feel like a wasted brain. I don't really know what it is.  And I'm even to the point that I can't really talk about it or even pray about it.  It makes me upset and even more confused than when I started with "Dear God...".  I'm a thinker, a visionary, and a dreamer.  But I'm also quite driven.....and in this "rut that just gets rutt-ier and rutt-ier" I'm having quite a difficult time finding the motivating glow.  Everytime I start thinking on that downward spiral, I hear the word "patience".  BAAAHHHH! Such an annoying word....especially when you have no idea what that is even going to look like.

anyway---needed to get that out.

enough said.

Something from my Devo that I desperately needed today:

"Household gods give worthless advice, fortune-tellers predict only lies, and interpreters of dreams pronounce falsehoods that give no comfort. So my people are wandering like lost sheep; they are attacked because they have no shepherd."

Zechariah 10:2, NLT

"We often create idols of money, power, fame, or success, and then we expect them to give us happiness and security. But these idols can't supply what we need any more than a stone image can make it rain.

'How foolish it is to trust in idols. Instead, trust God's promises for your future.'"

the crazies

I've gotten it into my head that I should commit to going to the gym at 5:45AM instead of going after work...because lets just be honest, there is a GOOD chance that I wont go.  So, my precious husband has been so patient while I "attempt" at being silent while trying to change for the gym.  Well, this morning I got up early just like every other morning, left for the gym, did my workout, and headed home to jump in the shower before work.  Well.  When I got to the front door of my house, I used my key and it simply wouldn't open the door.  I was so confused.  So, I reluctantly texted Griffin way earlier than he wanted to get up, I'm sure.  After about 10 minutes of waiting in the sticky humid air of Louisiana, my prince finally came to my rescue.  Apparently the burglar latch works!!! YAAAY!!! But how on earth did it hook while I was gone.  Strange.  All I know, is that it was WAY to early to be using my brain like that.....

quote:)

new fav quote:

"You pray and worship as you believe. You believe as you pray and worship"

the clock slowly ticks

I have absolutely-without a doubt- reached that pivotal moment in the day where I am crashing.  I mean, I am really crashing.  It's kinda been happening since about 1:00pm....but I am seriously about to lay my head down and carelessly take a nap.  However, I probably wont. :( sad. It's crazy how at 4:55pm things can be so slow and you feel like you have absolutely NO energy whatsoever.  But then once 5:01pm hits....its like a completely new wave of energy has overtaken your entire being.  LOVE IT. (not to mention it is totally a bonus that it's FRIDAY!!!!!)  I wonder if your job is more enjoyable and pleasant its different....interesting to think about. 

It's been quite awhile since I've blogged....work has been pretty busy, so I have had very little time to sit and ponder.  Sad.  But I bring good news today.  The morning started out VERY rough.  Emails from the boss, lies that just would not cease, and not a very happy work environment.  However, I am happy to say that I spent the entire morning just worshipping in my car because that is the SOLE thing that gets me through the day, Mon-Fri 8-5 (or whatever the daily schedule looks like).  But I really enjoyed my morning with the Lord.  I sang oldies but goodies and really had goose bumps all over me.  There was a period where I was literally sobbing while approaching a pretty massive "construction obstruction".  That was very interesting for 8:30am in the morning...... all I can say, is something came over me and just really gave me the joy that I needed to make it through the morning (completely sane).  It was a sweet thing.

And then, just now, I am reminded of a quote that I have taped up on my wall by my desk in the back of the office by the bathroom and in the supply room :) It reads:  "Jesus' prayer reminds us that our purpose far exceeds our ability to even begin to comprehend." That makes me smile and gives me hope for the future. I guess I'll keep dreaming :D

prayforjapan

my brother=hero

Okay...this is actually really funny. (even though I was crying...haha) So, I had just gotten out of the shower (I'm in a towel wrap) and decided to walk to the living room to watch tv while my hair was air drying. I'm walking back into the bedroom, and I stop in my tracks because I saw this LIZARD right by the bedroom door. To me, I FREAKED!!! I silently screamed because I was trying to remain calm. All I could think about was the darn thing getting into my bed somehow... well, I absolutely COULD NOT walk past it, because I didn't want it out of my sight. But I wasn't going to go anywhere near the thing for fear it would latch on to my "just washed" skin. Yuck! I called Griffin (don't really know what he could do since he's in Jersey, but I just needed to hear his voice) So, logically, I texted him....no response. I called my mom frantically. She was on the phone with my dad, but I made sure she listened to me before she hung up...I told her I needed my younger brother, Gregory, to save me. She was laughing hysterically, and told me that she would have Greg call me as soon as he got up. She informed me that she wasn't going to get him up for a lizard. So I'm tring to think...I decided that I needed to get something to put over it....I grab the first thing that I could find which so happened to be a microwave cover. I tip-toed to the lizard, and it started to move. I shreaked and quickly made a move. Luckily, I was fast enough for the darn monster. Then, I was convinced that the nasty pest would move the cover, so I put an outdoor pillow cushion on top of it, and an old Adler's box on top of that. It was pretty hilarious (even though I wasn't laughing). At this point I started to freak out because I had called my brother and he refused to come to my house for a lizard. I knew that I was going to HAVE TO get it myself. The trick was, I couldn't just move the cover to the door and fling it out....because there was this tricky ledge that I knew he would escape out of once I lifted it. EEEEK!!! Well, I decided I needed clothes on in case I had to run out of the house. When getting dressed, I found my toilet-cleaning gloves, and my rain boots that I put on.  I felt like that would help in case it jumped on me. I kept getting close to the lizard but just could not bring myself to touch it. It was jumping all around the microwave cover and grossing me out. I just knew I wouldn't react fast enough to catch the weasle. That was the point I started crying....haha....seriously. Then, I called my mom and told her I needed her to make Greg come. She was laughing saying that the "lizard busters" were on their way.   That was the longest 15 minutes I've had to wait.  Finally, they came, and I video'd Gregory getting the lizard. Then, I made him check to make sure there were no more "lizard-families" in my house.....it was funny!!!


so yes, I HATE frogs, lizards, snakes, worms....eeeeeekkkk!!!

the blip for the day

I've decide that I wish that I could be creative all day long.  That is what I want to do (well, its a start at least).  Ever since I was young, I remember enjoying "creating" just about anything.  Whether it was a barbie-doll makeover...or rearranging my room....I enjoyed it :)  So since I've narrowed it down....all I have to do is wait patiently for what's next. 

Thoughts:
1.  I'd like to learn about gardening....this should be interesting
2.  I might even try landscaping the back porch (budgeting, of course)
3.  I could be good at finding old things and turning them into treasures....I love that whole concept
4.  I really want to start writing music again........

21 days

Some may call me pathetic, but I'm choosing to dismiss that suggestion.  I like to think of my reaction to not having my husband with me for 21 days as more of an outright display of my endearing, unconditional love for him.  I was sooo very good this week/weekend leading up to "the departure".  Yes, there were several moments I would catch my breath getting short and my eyes starting to get foggy, but I would supress it as best  I could and cherish the moments that I did have with my husband before he had to go out of town for work.  And so since I never really let myself think about it, when the time did come where he handed over the keys to his car and pulled me into the warmest embrace, I LOST it....im talking L.O.S.T. it.  I hated seeing him walk towards the terminal without me on his arm trying to get all of the "check-in" paperwork ready... :( sad.  And then the whole ride (alone) back to the house I was trying to convince myself that it is NOT SAFE to cry while driving on an interstate...that didn't work.  And all of this isn't because I'm  "overly-dependent", its because I enjoy being with my husband.  It warms my heart knowing that I'm safe when I'm sleeping at night, and that I can always count on him being near if I need something.  It's someone to talk to all day-any day and someone to just be near...just because.  I mean, he's my best friend. In all honesty, I really don't like being physically alone.  I have this warped thing called "an imagination" that can kinda get out of hand sometimes....and Griffin offers a calming spirit. Needless to say, I've been praying 24/7 for my imagination not to be overtaken by the stupid things it thinks up....
So, yeah, I miss him.  A lot.  But what I am trying to focus on right now, is this time where its really just me and God.  Getting to pray over my husband and his job, and our household...and our future.  I'm so proud of Griffin and what he is accomplishing up there and learning....and so I've taken it upon myself to have a good attitude about it and be his biggest encourager while he is up there....because he's up there by himself.  I, at least, have family and friends here.   (but I still miss him)
With that, I leave you :)

I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this....haha.  sorry.

no reason to doubt....hello!!!

I don't know what it is about the cloudy, rainy days....but it is ever so good for my soul.  Then again, the bright and sunny days are too :) [I take it I'm inspired by nature...guilty] But today is one of those "about to be catagorized as extreme weather" days and I just LOVE it.  It makes me very nostalgic and quiet.  It makes me ponder and observe. It just makes me very cuddly (if that's even a word---just go with it).  Truthfully, people that know me would say I'm always thinking...so this is nothing different.  But it kinda is..... When the weather changes, I think about my life and where exactly it's at.  I dream, I pray for visions, I contemplate.  And even admist the craziness of the day to day, I am confident that the Lord has His hand over my life and has me in the exact place He would.  I've been consuming my thoughts lately with questions/doubts (i hate to admit) about my professional life....but recently I was made very aware that I really have NO excuse to ever doubt the Lord's hand on my life (no matter what season I'm in) because He really has shown himself in a very real way to me.  [long story about how I met my husband] So, I'm totally confident in this season.... :)

Nephesh (to breathe)

I love a Bible Study! And Wednesday night church!

Unfortunately in my hometown (where I currently reside), my home church does not have Wednesday night service :( and that makes me so sad...because WNS (Wednesday night service) is something that I so look forward to and crave.  Its that mid-week intimacy that you don't usually get on a weekend service---and I love it! But since we don't have it....I get to look forward to Bible Study! CONFESSION: I haven't really engrossed myself in a study group since I moved back to the "hometown".  I just never really found the right one where I felt like I meshed well with the people and felt a sense of growth.  Well, hubby and I took a chance and went ahead and partnered with a group of people for the 40 days of Relationships emphasis series that our church is doing....and i love it.  The material that we are all reading together is AWESOME! Daily I am challenged and encouraged....and I'm getting to do it with my husband and best friend.  :)

I just read a chapter called "Love God with all your Soul".  Interesting concept that we have heard over and over and over as one component on the greatest commandment.  But when you're out right asked what it looks like to "love God with your soul"...you kinda pause for a second to even define "soul".  In the book (The Relationship Principles of Jesus) Tom Holladay goes on to explain what the word "soul" means.  In the Old Testament, it uses the Hebrew word nephesh which means "to breathe".  It's explaining itself as God literally breathing life into each and every person.  Then, in the New Testament, it uses the Hebrew word psyche, which has to do with our will, our drive, the passion of our life, and the power in which we live.  He goes on to say that when we put these two words together, you get this principle: 

Your soul is your desires and passions.

Very interesting....so now, its easier to understand better when God calls commands us to Love Him with all of our Soul.  And understand that God has created each and every person differently.  So loving God with all of our SOUL is going to look different for every person.  And that's just how God intended it.  Know that you are the only you.  Know that you  love God in a different voice; a voice that God distinguishes amongst all of creation.  So don't feel that you have to express your love and respect for God in the same exact way that everyone else does.... you don't have to worship in the same way that everyone does, either.  Just know that God calls it "wonderfully different".  And that's just how He likes it.

Decide to do what He wants you to do.... Try and pray this prayer with an open heart:

This day do I , with the utmost solemnity, surrender myself to thee, I renounce all former lords that have had dominion over me; and I consecrate to thee all that I am, and all that I have; the faculties of my mind, the members of my body, my worldly possessions, my time, and my influence over others; to be all used entirely for thy glory, and resolutely employed in obedience to thy commands, as long as thou continuest me in life.... To thee I leave the management of all events, and say with out reserve, "Not my will, but thine be done."

Philip Doddridge, "'The Rise and Progress of Religion in the Soul"



questions. comments. confusion. life. TRUST.

Sometimes life throws you a couple of curve balls----classic "life analogy"----- and sometimes, life is just silent.  You have to listen really really hard for that still small voice that can offer you comfort, direction, and optimism. And when you get the answer to one question, another gets brought to your attention. Why is life so confusing???  It seems as if there is never a moment of "breathe-in breathe-out".  But I'm guessing that is where patience comes in.  Lovely.  My favorite term: waiting.  I seem to be really good at that.........but in truth its probably the most important part of the journey.  For in the "wait" comes character....comes the "you" that people grow to love and respect.
Right now I'm "waiting" for the God-compass to point me in the direction of my passion...of my occupation...of my calling...of the woman that He created me to be in this world.  What I will NEVER take for granted is this: that God has blessed me with a best friend....a husband....who encourages me and leads me to the cross with it all!  It's cool because he has really been such a great sounding board in the questions that surround what I am supposed to do with the gifts God has given me...and in ways he probably doesn't know he's helped. 
And Satan knows exactly how to discourage me.  Already today I have felt stupid, dumb, insufficient, sick, and just plain not good enough.  But I know that God has already called me.  He has already cupped me in His hands...and I just really need to devote it all to prayer.  Because it works. Duh.

on my knees.

dont take my parking spot!!!

We find ourselves in a season of "resolutions"...what this means is NO PARKING AT THE GYM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha!  All the people that couldnt find a reason to exercise and be healthy finally find themselves utterly compelled to "get fit" and "change their lifestyle".  Which is great and find and dandy.....but don't take my parking spot and my machines for about 3 months (4 months tops) and then I never see you again.  Such a tease and an aggravation.

On a lighter note, it's nice to see so many people really trying to change their disgusting and unhealthy habits!!!!

Anyway--this is a short blog. bye.