16 October 2009

hard to explain

I don't really know what to say...sometimes its rather difficult to be completely honest with certain people that I have a lot of love and respect for.  I try.  Actually, I was completely honest because I didn't really see the point in lying about something that I have no problem with.  However, it doesn't matter.  Whether I'm honest or not...I just can't win with them.  I've learned over the years to accept it....but then that mentality just led me to a place where my relationship with them was just practically non-existent.  So, I decided I'd try the complete honest truth with them...and it's still driving me away.  I just don't know what to do/say.  Stubborn, traditional thinkers are just that...stubborn and traditional.  You can't get a word in edge-wise...you are never right...and don't even bother explaining yourself.  It's just really disheartening to me. 

My heart literally is sad.  I hate lying.  First off, I'm terrible at it, and I really just don't even bother with it.  So, to not lie...I tell the truth (simple concept).  But when I try and reveal my heart and express myself to them, it just...I get treated like I'm three...okay, that's an exaggeration.  I get treated like I'm eleven.

So, what do I do? I am sitting here with a lump in my throat, because I just don't know what else is expected of me....I care about the situation.  Really really care about it, so much that I have no problem with what seems to be the "issue".  It's about trust, I guess.  I do.  With all my heart I do. With-All-My-Heart.

Now I've got a headache.  It's hard living at home.  Hard to separate the ages, I guess.


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