laugh a little

One thing that I've learned while being in "the real world" working and all that...is that you just HAVE to laugh through it all.  I just had one of the most precious patients ever.  He was making me laugh the entire time I was informing him of Sleep Apnea and the machine I'm putting him one.  Before he left, he told me: "I can really tell you love your job".  And that totally broke my heart because...I don't. I just love being with people and doing something that helps others.


:)  sweet sweet man.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


needed that.

seasons

One of my absolute favorite passages of the Bible is in Daniel 2:19-23.  I love it so much because it reminds me that the Lord constantly changes the seasons...literally and figuratively.  Everyone (despite where you are now) will go through a "changing of the leaves" at some point in your life.  And we are then left with a choice:  to engage in the inevitable and accept the season that you are in, or you can simply moan and complain to make yourself (and others around you) completely miserable during this time.
One of the biggest things that I have been struggling with lately has been just  "accepting this current season".  Instead of dwelling in the negative of where I'm at with my girl friends (or the lack-thereof), I've just taken it upon myself to just relish in the sweet comfort of my Heavenly Father.  Because truly, there isn't anyone that knows my innermost being better than Him.  Once I realized that...it's almost as if peace immediately encompassed my soul.  And now, I can really really soak up all the wonderful things ahead in this "engagement season" that I'm in.  I can finally be everything that I need to be to and for my intended. :)

love love love

First of Fall

Today is like totally pivotal for me :)  It marks the "First of Fall"....my absolute favorite time of year...the time of year that I will become wife to my bestest friend in the whole wide world....and a season of completely wonderful clothing and accessory options!!! I LOVE FALL!

Of course, it needs to get a little bit cooler...but I'll take what I can get...first things first.

Dark nail polish (plum or charcoal or navy or cedar)

Turtle necks

Boots (HECK YEAH!!!)

Tights, stockings, big over the boot socks...

A chunky scarf

Jackets

Football (GEAUX TIGERS)

Tea, Lattes, Apple cider, Pumpkin cider

yum :)

No Pitty Party

I cried myself to sleep last night (do NOT feel sorry for me....I needed it).... And it felt really really good. I suffer from a chronic case of "Keep it all in until it boils over".  I'm not super proud of it; it's just one of those ways that I "convince" people of how strong I am.  Right.  Anyway---Yesterday was just the end-all-be-all for me.  I had started work way earier than I was supposed to...and didn't get home until 7pm.  I was supposed to be at a women's event with my mom at 7pm...so that, of course, put a damper on things.  But regardless, we still went.  And boy, did I need to hear every single word that was said.  My goal, originally was to give you guys some nugget that she shared with us...but if I even started, this entry would turn into a novel. :)  So, I'll just try and recap some points. 
Joshua 3:1-5.  She disected these 5 verses and really dug deep into 4 things that Joshua acted on as a human being...and as a Christ follower...when he was about to lead the children of Israel into the promise land (see, I can tell I'm about to go off on a tangent--fantastic).  Verse 1:  He rose early in the morning...He acted IMMEDIATELY in obedience. Verse 2:  When they were staring at the Jordan River....He acted FEARLESSLY (You have to understand that the Jordan River, at the time of year they were crossing, was when the winter snow was melting down the mountains and GUSHING into the Jordan.  It was 5 times wider than it normally was and very fierce...so imagine staring at that thinking "I'm crossing over that????!!??!) Verse 3-4:  He acknowledged God's presence before he made a move.... "you have not passed this way before".  Verse 5:  Joshua anticipated God's miracles! Act today like God is who He says He is :)

really really challenging!!! I seriously am just loving reading over my notes.  Totally helping me make it through today and reminding me that God is NOT a God of fear!
1 John 4:18
2 Timothy 1:7
Psalm 91:1-2
Hebrews 13:6,8
John 14:27
Psalm 31:24

But anyway---the reason that I cried myself to sleep last night was because there was a culmination of emotions that were just raging through.  I'm in a season of life where I'm finding and discovering my purpose here in this life.  And if you are someone with my personality, you know that is very very difficult.  I've always had a plan...and you'd think that I've learned that it NEVER goes according to "plan"... I'm one that needs to feel like I'm actually doing something to help others out.  I cannot stand complacency.  I cannot stand just "accepting that this is my life".  I always strive for more....because I know that God has created me for something other than "what I am doing right now".  And the hardest part of it all:  no close fellowship with girl friends.  I used to have that in college, but when I moved back home...it kinda dissipated (understandable bc we dont live anywhere near each other).  And I've learned that talking with a guy about what's going on NOW is rather difficult---guys are problem solvers.  They tell you what you NEED to hear...now what you WANT to in that moment.  Sometimes a girl just needs for a friend to pout with her for a time...and then tell her the hard truth. 

Anyway---that's why I was crying.  Just a hard place in life right now.  I'm soooo freakin happy about what is about to come!!! It's the selfishness inside of me that is restless with what my life is going to mean.

to mother

This is from my "Daily Reading Email" that I have NOT been daily reading...for some reason, the title just caught my attention.  I'm glad I read it...because it really hit home. All the parts that are italicized are my additions...just thought they were pretty important, to me at least :)

To Mother

"As large as the role our mothers have played, the word "mother" is more powerful when used as a verb than as a noun. All women are not mothers but all women are called to mother. To mother is to nurture, to train, to educate, to rear. As daughters of Eve, all women are uniquely gifted to help others in their lives become more of who they truly are - to encourage, nurture and mother them towards their true selves. In doing this, women partner with Christ in the vital mission of bringing forth life.

The nurturing of life is a high and holy calling. And as a woman, it is yours. Yes, it takes many shapes and has a myriad of faces. Yes, men are called to this as well. But uniquely and deeply, this calling makes up part of the very fiber of a woman's soul - the calling to mother

All women are called to mother. And all women are called to give birth. Women give birth to all kinds of things - to a book (it's nearly as hard as a child, believe me), to a church or to a movement. Women give birth to ideas, to creative expressions, to ministries. We birth life in others by inviting them into deeper realms of healing, to deeper walks with God, to deeper intimacy with Jesus. A woman is not less of a woman because she is not a wife or has not physically born a child. The heart and life of a woman is much vaster than that. All women are made in the image of God in that we bring forth life. When we enter into our world and into the lives of those we love and offer our tender and strong feminine hearts, we cannot help but mother them.

The capacity of a woman's heart for meaningful relationships is vast. There is no way your husband or your children can ever provide the intimacy and relational satisfaction you need. A woman must have women friends.
It is here, in the realm of relationship that women receive the most joy and the profoundest sorrows. The friendships of women inhabit a terrain of great mystery. There is a fierce jealousy, a fiery devotion and a great loyalty between women friends. Our friendships flow in the deep waters of the heart where God dwells and transformation takes place. It is here, in this holy place that a woman can partner with God in impacting another and be impacted by another for lasting good. It is here that she can mother, nurture, encourage and call forth Life.
To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not. To know that, as a woman, you are not alone. Friendships between women provide a safe place to share in the experiences of life as a woman."  (Captivating, 176-180)

throat

my throat hurts...and for some odd reason I felt it necessary to post it.

what I feel in this moment

frustration.

I've been feeling rather tense lately with work...especially work.  I've have to really condition myself to just take a moment and breathe...all to realize that my situation isn't really that bad.  HAHA.  Of course. :) It's just that in certain moments and at certain points in my day I just feel super aggravated and frustrated with where I am "professionally".  Nowhere.  I don't feel motivated or really all too worthwhile.  I keep bouncing around the big "in your 20s question": What am I really supposed to do?  And when I tell you I just simply come up blank...yeah.  No answers...no clues.  So then, I just focus on what is certain in my life.  And that makes me very very happy.  I never ever have to worry about whether or not Griffin or my family love me.  That brings a lot of peace.  But then, of course, I move back into "me" mode and start wondering what am I supposed to do??? Where do I become influential? Where do I actually feel like I'm doing something productive??? 
Once again, I come up with nothing.  Fantastic.

okay... I'm going to be happy

From the Cobwebs

I was searching through my computer documents (while my internet was being fixed this morning) and I ran across this little golden nugget.  I honestly DO NOT remember writing this.  But the more and more I read, the more and more I realized why I didn't recognize it before....Because I wrote it 3.25.09....when my desire and heart for Christ and His Word was absolutely---cant even find the word---it was just very very deep.  And now, I'm challenged.  To search out the heart of Christ again, and to get to that place.  Funny when you learn from things that YOU wrote in the past....

hopefully it will inspire someone else too:
(and I'm not exactly sure who "you" is that I was writing too)

"So, when you sent me Exodus 15:2 I was so excited to open to "the Song of Moses". Of course I started at verse 1...Well, at first I was really confused...I thought that I was going to read "I will prepare a habitation"....however, I read in verse 2: "The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him; My father's God, and I will exalt Him." I then got out two other translations to read that same verse to try and find the connection to the word “habitation”. It was really funny that I neglected to see KJV in the text. Well, I then sat back and thought about what translations actually are: they are depictions of the same verse, same concept…only in different words. So, I read the verse again. This time I asked myself to define “strength” and “song”. To me, those two words have a powerful meaning.



Strength: My name means “Tower of Strength”. It’s so funny how that is, because in so many ways, I have had to be strong…and get through the situation…with grace. A lot of times, the only thing that I had left was what the Lord had given me…my name. In that, I found solace in Christ, because to me, HE is and always has been MY STRENGTH.


Song: Ever since I was in my mother’s womb, I had a song. My mom would tell me that whenever worship music would come on, I would literally start dancing in her belly. When I was little, I would write music with my younger sister and sing the songs to my parents in a mock church service. And now as a young adult, the passion for the term “song” and “worship” go hand in hand. It is how I deal with stress and sadness; it is how the Lord speaks to me; it is how I regain strength; it is my habitation.


Then I went to the next segment of the verse: “…and He has become my salvation…” When I think about what this segment of scripture is saying I keep thinking about eternity. The Lord, in His awesome splendor has literally become the very thing that my life is built on. The time that I spend with the Lord in the quiet moments is time that I prepare my heart for Him to move and speak. It is a habitation; a place where praise exists…the core of my response to Him saving me.


Well, then, I decided to check out Exodus 2:15….because for some reason, I just like to see what the “opposite” chapter/verse says. So when I read it: “When Pharaoh heard of this matter, he sought to kill Moses. But Moses fled from the face of Pharaoh and dwelt in the land of Midian; and he sat down by a well. I was wondering what exactly the Bible was trying to tell us in the fact that they added “and he sat down by a well”. So I researched what the significance of a well was in those days. It says that “wells were often situated outside the towns or villages (habitats). In addition to supplying water, they functioned as local landmarks and places of meeting.” I seriously had to sit and wait on the Lord on this one. I didn’t want to try and pull something out of the dark that really wasn’t there to teach me. So, I just went away from it; but something kept bringing me back to that verse. I really felt the Lord tell me that even though Moses was outside of the typical habitat (his place of comfort), he still was comfortable enough to find solace in a meeting place; a place where I’m sure community was established. And in that the Lord was telling me that “Maddi, my praise goes with you. No matter whether you are in the quiet of your closet, the confinement of your shower, or amidst a community of individuals, I AM THERE. My praise goes forth. It surrounds you.” It was really comforting to feel that from the Lord. Because a lot of times I feel like I “sit by a well”, but still feel so alone. However, in that moment, I suddenly feel His presence all over me and wonder how that could be. But I know that HIS PRAISE does go forth. It truly leads and guides me in every step that goes before me. Whether I’m in my quiet place, or the craziness of life….God defines his habitat IN me."

well well well

Things are becoming very real.  More real than what I originally thought "real" was.  And I couldn't be happier.  I feel different (in a sense).  There have been changes that have been going on inside me and around me...and honestly, it's awesome!  I feel challenged, almost.  It's as if someone came up to me, pointed a finger in my face and said: "I DARE YOU...."  I'm so freakin excited to be married. So. Freakin. Excited. (if you haven't seen that SNL skit, you wont understand).  Something that has saved me from a lot of heartache was something that someone shared with me:  anger is the product of unmet expectations.  I hold that tidbit of gold ever so close to my heart, and honestly, it has helped me to die to self and relish in the fruits of one of the greatest gifts God has given me personally....love.  It has opened more doors of peace before even a glimpse of conflict was about to arise.  And that is why I really feel everything has been so beautiful...and will continue to be.  We both have given everything over to Christ (first and foremost)...and it's really paying off.  I'm so in love. So in love.  And I cannot wait to start the journey.