its happening.....

Yes, dear readers....it's finally happening!!!!

THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited I cannot even contain it.  I literally woke up this morning already completely zoned out.  I was already in VACA mode...i.e. totally not interested in work AT ALL. 

However, the day has kinda dragged....but it hasn't been too bad, though. I am SOOOOOO ready to start the weekend.  I'm really excited!!!!!! I want so bad to say "I need this"....but I am a true believer that EVERYONE "needs" the beach....so I will not succumb to saying that.....


anywho....it had been awhile since my last blog, so I wanted to go ahead and at least say something.....

what NOT to do

If any of you were ever considering going to Disney World by yourself...for a little "getaway"...DONT.  It is NOT a place to be alone. 

Here's the deal:  I was priviledged to be able to attend a conference for work (all expenses paid) in the lovely magical world of Disney.  At the start of it all, my dad was going to be able to go with me...then my boss and his wife were going to come too....then my sis was going to fly up and meet me there....in the end, none of that happened.  I was there---alone.  At first (as you can tell by my previous blog), I was so excited to have "me time".  It seemed so enticing---the idea of having a few days of vacation with plenty of time to just sit, relax, and ponder.  Well, that was NOT how it was.  Sure, I learned A LOT.  I really enjoyed the whole conference aspect....

But sitting and eating dinner by yourself requires a certain pre-meditated mentality.  Yes....you have to convince yourself that you are indeed a food critic.  You are NOT awkwardly sitting alone.  Yes, you have friends...in fact, you consider yourself a people person. 

That's basically what I did 3 meals a day....for 4 days.  But it really wasn't bad.  The element that made the trip unbearable was the fact that I was in Disney World---a place where I've made so many pleasant memories with my family and friends...and no one was there to share in my excitement. 

Call me crazy (which I probably am, but I don't claim to be anything less), but I actually felt tears in my throat while I was on Thunder Mountain in Magic Kingdom.  It was like I was SOOO excited to finally be in Disney....but I couldnt really fully appreciate it, because there was NO ONE to share it with.  Just picture me with my hands slightly raised just letting out a small bit of excitement.... as to not be "overly excited". 

Ummmm and I think I mastered the art of talking to yourself without appearingd excentric.

I met all sorts of real interesting people....that's another story in itself. 

Oh, let us not forget the fact that my  luggage was lost....as in THEY COULD NOT FIND IT....my AC in my car was still broken....I had no gas to get home....and I came home to an empty house.  Yes, you try to relax. 

All in all, I just had to laugh.

"me" time????

I'm so excited about the next four days. I am heading to Orlando (Disney World--woop woop) for a conference for work.  And the best part is.... it's just me.  I get to make my own schedule and truly just relax.  Its totally turning out to be a mini-vacation, and I couldnt be more excited.

Okay okay...so I am excited about the conference part too.  Really I am.  I love conferences (I'm such a nerd), but really....i do.  I'm going to just soak up every minute of it...sleeping...resting...lounging by the pool....galavanting in and out of the various theme parks....learning about sleep apnea...this is going to be monumental!!!! :)

But I think the best thing about it all is that IT'S JUST ME.  I haven't EVER been in a hotel---let alone a resort----without anyone else there.  I love to travel, but usually I'm with people.  So, this is going to be very very good for me.  I get to do WHATEVER I want to....set the AC however I deem appropriate for the time being...prance around the room in whatever I feel comfortable in.  AAANNNDDD: I get to go to Disney World---and do the things I want to do.  It's going to be very exciting.  I really can't wait!!!

I leave tomorrow morning....and I'm looking forward to every minute of it.  Sure, I wish I could take certain people with me.  But for now, this is how it is supposed to be. 

So my heart is open to just....relaxing and letting the Lord just encourage me. 

unfortunate AC

Soooooo...the AC is out in my car.  Well, actually it has been out since....the fall.  However, everytime I try to get it fixed...it comes back the same. As in, NOT WORKING.  It's quite hysterical because its only May and already it is 90 degrees and counting.  Thankfully, I havent had to wear my scrubs....so I've been wearing dresses, skirts, sleeveless shirts....it really wasn't an option to wear black pants. 

However, instead of being uber frustrated everyday about it....whenever I get into my car and it is UNBEARABLE heat, I start to remember all the vacations and trips that I took to other countries where they don't "expect" air condition.  So I just laugh now. Thankful that I've maintained that perspective thus far...bc otherwise...watch out.  HAHA.

meaningless

Wow.  To think I'd get hit so hard with another insecurity.  To think that I've come so far....mandated my heart to Christ's and thus surrendered all of me (including talents, passions...my heart really)...and then suddenly....BAM! Smacked down.  There are pieces of me that are so very very sensitive.  Almost untapped.  Over the last 2 years, I've started to reveal those parts and place them out in the open.  I began to really and truly give it to Christ.  (I mean, it's His anyway).  The hardest part, I must say, was just placing it in open hands...

I've realized everything is meaningless if Christ is not in the center of it. 

"Your voice will not be heard by God, if it does not come from the heart." Brother Barry (FBC Kosciusko)

Isaiah 26:3 comes to the heart.

the hard truth

Lately I have been having to deal with the hard truth....I think I have TMJ (lock jaw).  Not even kidding.  This has been something that I've really just denied....I mean, my jaw has been popping and hurting...and well...I've recently had terrible headaches that last all day long.  Yeah....lovely.

I've refused to even say it for the longest time...but the fact of the matter is...yeah, I defintely have the symptoms! But who on earth do you go to for that??? Dentist, orthodontist, jaw specialist?!?!?!?!? haha.  I dunno.  All I know is that when I'm trying to "hit the high note" in the car/shower....my jaw gets REALLY sore and I can't open it. Problem...I HAVE to be able to open my mouth.  I mean, I have so much to say!!!! AND ITS KINDA PART OF MY JOB...to talk, that is.

Then there's smiling.  It really hurts to smile.  I mean, you can't take the smiling out of me.  Sorry, bud, you can't.  That's like having salt without pepper....I just can't not smile!!!!!!

So, you see my frustrations here. 

So if you think about it...please pray for my jaw. :)

too much sleep

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately...like really really weird.  Maybe it is because I am allowing myself too much time to sleep...thus, my imagination has more time to conjure up something strange....


think on that.

bham this weekend=refreshing

So, I went to Bham this weekend with mom and ceci to visit Cami.  Perfect girls weekend getaway.  All four of us really needed those couple of days to just play and be together.  I was reminded of my utter appreciation for my mother and sisters.  We just laughed and goofed off.....it was sooo wonderful!!!!

We went to Highlands on Sunday (the church that I went to all throughout college), and it was better than I can even describe.  We were sitting in the elevated "stadium" seats near the back (we didn't want to get stuck in the parking lot traffic---quick escape)...I don't usually like sitting in the back at church....no real reason....I just like the front.  I feel more "connected".  Worship had already started by the time we got there.  But it didn't take me long to "enter-in".  Maybe it was the new worship leader...or the background....or the blend of the vocals...I dunno....but worship was AWESOME!!!! The new worship leader evidently was a worshipper.  You could SEE his heart!  I got goose bumps just being there.  I would look out among the expanse of the worship center, and I couldn't help but just smile.  The atmosphere was intoxicating.  You couldn't help but just be enamored with the presence of the Lord.  It was amazing.
I sat back, after worship, and just started thinking.  I would get teary at some points as my heart was just talking to God... that is what it is about! And honestly, I can't even really explain to you what "that"  is.  All I can say, is a lot of the things that I had been praying about/talking about/ blogging about :) made more sense.  It was made clear to me that I'm not crazy...and what I have been feeling is very real.  It's not just something that I've conjured up in my head.

Anyway...very successfull weekend!!! Loved every minute of it.