24 November 2009


So I was just so instantly reminded of something very special that happened between me and the Lord last night.  I was completely and utterly awakened spiritually.  I was laying in my bed last night just thinking about something that I read right before I crawled beneath the warmth of my covers (a place of complete and utter "do not mess with me, I'm sleeping").  Well, I didn't even make it past the title of the devotion.  It was something along the lines of: "Being near to Him in speech, but far from the Heart".  I stopped thinking about my day, my family, friends, others, etc...and just layed there above the covers...completely unable to get into them because I was just thinking.  I felt the Lord really tugging at my soul...I was so...convicted, I guess.  That's really the only word that I can use to describe the feeling.  And honestly, it was such a special moment that I had with the Lord.  Because in the shortness of an instant, all the things that have instilled fear inside of me completely vanished.  It was like the Lord was beconing me to rise up and be "near to His heart" so that I could be the woman of God that He initially created me to be.  It was a really great moment. 

I have been too afraid to really "Get close to His heart" because I know what it means....it means me stepping out of my comfort zone into a place of total reliance on the Lord.  That's scary.  Entering into the destiny that the Lord has placed inside of you is a really frightening thought.  Just because it's a place that I've always dreamed of...

God has been constantly reminding me in the stillness of His presence that first and foremost its NOT about me.  Quite frankly, it's not even about talent.  It's all about the heart.  And if I am too scared to get into His heart fiercely, then I don't deserve it.  I'm ready for the challenge.  I'm ready to be funnelled into it. Let's go.

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