21 days

Some may call me pathetic, but I'm choosing to dismiss that suggestion.  I like to think of my reaction to not having my husband with me for 21 days as more of an outright display of my endearing, unconditional love for him.  I was sooo very good this week/weekend leading up to "the departure".  Yes, there were several moments I would catch my breath getting short and my eyes starting to get foggy, but I would supress it as best  I could and cherish the moments that I did have with my husband before he had to go out of town for work.  And so since I never really let myself think about it, when the time did come where he handed over the keys to his car and pulled me into the warmest embrace, I LOST it....im talking L.O.S.T. it.  I hated seeing him walk towards the terminal without me on his arm trying to get all of the "check-in" paperwork ready... :( sad.  And then the whole ride (alone) back to the house I was trying to convince myself that it is NOT SAFE to cry while driving on an interstate...that didn't work.  And all of this isn't because I'm  "overly-dependent", its because I enjoy being with my husband.  It warms my heart knowing that I'm safe when I'm sleeping at night, and that I can always count on him being near if I need something.  It's someone to talk to all day-any day and someone to just be near...just because.  I mean, he's my best friend. In all honesty, I really don't like being physically alone.  I have this warped thing called "an imagination" that can kinda get out of hand sometimes....and Griffin offers a calming spirit. Needless to say, I've been praying 24/7 for my imagination not to be overtaken by the stupid things it thinks up....
So, yeah, I miss him.  A lot.  But what I am trying to focus on right now, is this time where its really just me and God.  Getting to pray over my husband and his job, and our household...and our future.  I'm so proud of Griffin and what he is accomplishing up there and learning....and so I've taken it upon myself to have a good attitude about it and be his biggest encourager while he is up there....because he's up there by himself.  I, at least, have family and friends here.   (but I still miss him)
With that, I leave you :)

I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this....haha.  sorry.

no reason to doubt....hello!!!

I don't know what it is about the cloudy, rainy days....but it is ever so good for my soul.  Then again, the bright and sunny days are too :) [I take it I'm inspired by nature...guilty] But today is one of those "about to be catagorized as extreme weather" days and I just LOVE it.  It makes me very nostalgic and quiet.  It makes me ponder and observe. It just makes me very cuddly (if that's even a word---just go with it).  Truthfully, people that know me would say I'm always thinking...so this is nothing different.  But it kinda is..... When the weather changes, I think about my life and where exactly it's at.  I dream, I pray for visions, I contemplate.  And even admist the craziness of the day to day, I am confident that the Lord has His hand over my life and has me in the exact place He would.  I've been consuming my thoughts lately with questions/doubts (i hate to admit) about my professional life....but recently I was made very aware that I really have NO excuse to ever doubt the Lord's hand on my life (no matter what season I'm in) because He really has shown himself in a very real way to me.  [long story about how I met my husband] So, I'm totally confident in this season.... :)

Nephesh (to breathe)

I love a Bible Study! And Wednesday night church!

Unfortunately in my hometown (where I currently reside), my home church does not have Wednesday night service :( and that makes me so sad...because WNS (Wednesday night service) is something that I so look forward to and crave.  Its that mid-week intimacy that you don't usually get on a weekend service---and I love it! But since we don't have it....I get to look forward to Bible Study! CONFESSION: I haven't really engrossed myself in a study group since I moved back to the "hometown".  I just never really found the right one where I felt like I meshed well with the people and felt a sense of growth.  Well, hubby and I took a chance and went ahead and partnered with a group of people for the 40 days of Relationships emphasis series that our church is doing....and i love it.  The material that we are all reading together is AWESOME! Daily I am challenged and encouraged....and I'm getting to do it with my husband and best friend.  :)

I just read a chapter called "Love God with all your Soul".  Interesting concept that we have heard over and over and over as one component on the greatest commandment.  But when you're out right asked what it looks like to "love God with your soul"...you kinda pause for a second to even define "soul".  In the book (The Relationship Principles of Jesus) Tom Holladay goes on to explain what the word "soul" means.  In the Old Testament, it uses the Hebrew word nephesh which means "to breathe".  It's explaining itself as God literally breathing life into each and every person.  Then, in the New Testament, it uses the Hebrew word psyche, which has to do with our will, our drive, the passion of our life, and the power in which we live.  He goes on to say that when we put these two words together, you get this principle: 

Your soul is your desires and passions.

Very interesting....so now, its easier to understand better when God calls commands us to Love Him with all of our Soul.  And understand that God has created each and every person differently.  So loving God with all of our SOUL is going to look different for every person.  And that's just how God intended it.  Know that you are the only you.  Know that you  love God in a different voice; a voice that God distinguishes amongst all of creation.  So don't feel that you have to express your love and respect for God in the same exact way that everyone else does.... you don't have to worship in the same way that everyone does, either.  Just know that God calls it "wonderfully different".  And that's just how He likes it.

Decide to do what He wants you to do.... Try and pray this prayer with an open heart:

This day do I , with the utmost solemnity, surrender myself to thee, I renounce all former lords that have had dominion over me; and I consecrate to thee all that I am, and all that I have; the faculties of my mind, the members of my body, my worldly possessions, my time, and my influence over others; to be all used entirely for thy glory, and resolutely employed in obedience to thy commands, as long as thou continuest me in life.... To thee I leave the management of all events, and say with out reserve, "Not my will, but thine be done."

Philip Doddridge, "'The Rise and Progress of Religion in the Soul"



questions. comments. confusion. life. TRUST.

Sometimes life throws you a couple of curve balls----classic "life analogy"----- and sometimes, life is just silent.  You have to listen really really hard for that still small voice that can offer you comfort, direction, and optimism. And when you get the answer to one question, another gets brought to your attention. Why is life so confusing???  It seems as if there is never a moment of "breathe-in breathe-out".  But I'm guessing that is where patience comes in.  Lovely.  My favorite term: waiting.  I seem to be really good at that.........but in truth its probably the most important part of the journey.  For in the "wait" comes character....comes the "you" that people grow to love and respect.
Right now I'm "waiting" for the God-compass to point me in the direction of my passion...of my occupation...of my calling...of the woman that He created me to be in this world.  What I will NEVER take for granted is this: that God has blessed me with a best friend....a husband....who encourages me and leads me to the cross with it all!  It's cool because he has really been such a great sounding board in the questions that surround what I am supposed to do with the gifts God has given me...and in ways he probably doesn't know he's helped. 
And Satan knows exactly how to discourage me.  Already today I have felt stupid, dumb, insufficient, sick, and just plain not good enough.  But I know that God has already called me.  He has already cupped me in His hands...and I just really need to devote it all to prayer.  Because it works. Duh.

on my knees.

dont take my parking spot!!!

We find ourselves in a season of "resolutions"...what this means is NO PARKING AT THE GYM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha!  All the people that couldnt find a reason to exercise and be healthy finally find themselves utterly compelled to "get fit" and "change their lifestyle".  Which is great and find and dandy.....but don't take my parking spot and my machines for about 3 months (4 months tops) and then I never see you again.  Such a tease and an aggravation.

On a lighter note, it's nice to see so many people really trying to change their disgusting and unhealthy habits!!!!

Anyway--this is a short blog. bye.

you never know...

So much has transpired in the last 6-8 hours that I can't even wrap my brain around it anymore! I got up for work simply thinking that today would be like any other day (minus the fact that I can't breathe out of my right nostril, and my hubby was leaving for the lodge/cabin/farm).  I merge onto the interstate headed for lab #2 to meet several patients when lo and behold my car just decides that it is going to decelerate at a rapid pace and just not function at all.  My heart stops for a brief second because all I can see is about 7 18-wheelers in single file right behind me.  I'm trapped in the left lane slowly coming to a complete stop and I can't operate my car at all.  Finally, I'm able to change lanes and pull over on the side of the interstate (mind you, RUSHING cars going by).  I panic (honestly, panic is a mild word...I was way past panic).  I call hubby in tears and try not to freak him out.  I keep telling him I'm fine, but I don't really know if I am....and I don't know whether to get out of the car or not.  [I have a VERY imaginative mind and all I kept seeing was my car blowing up...a little extreme, I know].  Finally, hubby gets there after "what seemed like" 40 minutes of panic time.  I look a wreck, and he comes to the rescue! Knight in Shining Armor at your service!!!! :) I get on the phone with my work in the meantime, because (of course) all I can think of right now is that I am going to be late for my patients and that just SIMPLY WILL NOT work.  After getting that taken care of, we finally arrive at the conclusion to take the car to an Auto place that my dad likes to use.  We get there and the really nice lady tells us that she can't touch the car since it is still under warranty...we would need to bring it to the dealer in order for the warranty to still be effective.  (FYI: the dealership is another good 30 minutes away).  Awesome. We then drive all the way to the dealership to get me another "temporary car" complete with a cassette player for my throwback cassette collection. Holla. So now, I'm back at work...wishing I could just lie down (I'm so freakin exhausted!!!)

FYI: my car is new too.... haha

anyway.... I have found the GREATEST man ever.....because he NEVER complained the entire while he was helping me with all this car stuff (he was supposed to be headed to the lodge/cabin/farm)...sweet sweet man!!!

Joel 2

"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."  Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relects from sending calamity.  Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing--grain and offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God.  Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly.  Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children, those nursing at the breast.  Let the bridegroom leave his room and the bride her chamber.  Let the priests, who minister before the Lord, weep between the temple porch and the altar.  Let them say, "Spare your people, O Lord, Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn, a byword among the nations.  Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?' "

Then the Lord will be jealous for his land and take pity on his poeple.  The Lord will reply to them:  "I am sending you grain, new wine, and oil, enough to satisfy you fully; never again will I make you an object or scorn to the nations.  I will drive the northern army far from you, pushing it into a parched and barren land, with its front columns going into the eastern sea and those in the rear into the western sea.  And its stench will go up; its smell will rise."  Surely he has done great things.  Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice.  Surely the Lord has done great things.  Be not afraid, O wild animals, for the open pastures are becoming green.  The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.  Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has give you the autumn rains in righteousness.  He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.  The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. 

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locus and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you.  You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.  Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my poeple be shamed.  And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.  Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days.  I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.  And everyone who calls on teh name of the Lord will be saved; for on Mount Sion and in Jerusalem htere will be deliverance, as the Lord has said, among the survivors who the Lord calls.

It's refreshing to read something that you haven't really read in awhile....and to really get something out of it.