"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline" rev 3:19

"God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness" -Anonymous

I read this morning about the refiner's fire.  A concept that I know of well, and a topic that I've heard again and again was completely brought to a whole new light.  It's funny how when you are walking through something personal, a verse you've read before just jumps out at you at the opportune time.  I kinda like it :)  But today, in particular, I was kinda broadsided with the reality to the meaning of a prayer I've been praying lately. 

"To know Christ better, to have a deeper fellowship with Him, and to be more diligent in His work" is something that I have over and over again asked God to strengthen me in.  What I didn't realize:  in praying this...I'm actually begging to be put back into the "training camp" of His kingdom :).... of course....  But should I stop praying it??? No! Not a single person who God has been used mightily has avoided the difficult developoing of their character.... Sure, at first they might not have realized it as that....but once they got broadsided with reality....it made it easier knowing that the Lord was totally in it. 

I guess that is what I need to keep telling myself.  Even admist the pieces of me that are still searching for answers to "what am I supposed to do with what You've given me", I can still find solice in knowing that the Lord IS with me through it all.  And apparently I need to learn something valuable through getting to where I'm going.  In the end, it's not about me at all....

and now this....

Soooo Day 2 of being back from an extended weekend of vaca at the beach...well, lets just say I HAVE NOT STOPPED! It's been "go go go" from the moment I woke up.  When I instantaneously popped awake about 5 minutes before my alarm
(don't you hate that---not that 5 minutes really makes all that much difference in yoyur REM cycle), I just could not bear the thought of starting the work day.  Literally, the ONLY thing that got me up was the sheer fact that I could look forward to the work day ending.  ugh.

Well, I got to the office---dragging my feet---and was met with this and that and these and those....Let me lay it out for you:

-Arrive at office BEFORE 8:00am
-Fix all necessary paperwork/prepare all devices for patient set up BEFORE 8:30AM for the set up at 10:00am in ANOTHER CITY.
-Leave office at 8:30am just to notice that I need gas and have to run a company errand BEFORE getting to the set up.
-Finally get to the location.
-Need to go over all the paperwork/re-prepare all the devices/lay out the payment plans for the patients/socialize with the office
-Set up #1 begins....what should take only 15 minutes turns into 1 HOUR.
-The next patient is about 30 minutes late....which makes me unable to do a favor for my mother which in turn becomes "my fault"...yeah.
-Run another company errand---meaning "getting my boss' watch fixed" (in the meantime I get my ring cleaned :)
-Quickly go home to make a sandwich and SIT DOWN....I almost didn't get up.
-Head back to the office only to have a STACK of work to do....did I tell you I'm really not an office person....yeah....

So now, I'm sitting at my desk because I just cannot crunch numbers/organize/input data anymore!!!!! And I look down.....I see that the heel of my shoe (you know that rubbery thing that makes the "heel" of the point) fell off..... hahahahaa. This is true.

So..... I had to vent.

Whew----

That felt better :)

So, now I will go into an office meeting where I am sure I will have more work to do when I leave it.  So....here we go.

its happening.....

Yes, dear readers....it's finally happening!!!!

THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited I cannot even contain it.  I literally woke up this morning already completely zoned out.  I was already in VACA mode...i.e. totally not interested in work AT ALL. 

However, the day has kinda dragged....but it hasn't been too bad, though. I am SOOOOOO ready to start the weekend.  I'm really excited!!!!!! I want so bad to say "I need this"....but I am a true believer that EVERYONE "needs" the beach....so I will not succumb to saying that.....


anywho....it had been awhile since my last blog, so I wanted to go ahead and at least say something.....

what NOT to do

If any of you were ever considering going to Disney World by yourself...for a little "getaway"...DONT.  It is NOT a place to be alone. 

Here's the deal:  I was priviledged to be able to attend a conference for work (all expenses paid) in the lovely magical world of Disney.  At the start of it all, my dad was going to be able to go with me...then my boss and his wife were going to come too....then my sis was going to fly up and meet me there....in the end, none of that happened.  I was there---alone.  At first (as you can tell by my previous blog), I was so excited to have "me time".  It seemed so enticing---the idea of having a few days of vacation with plenty of time to just sit, relax, and ponder.  Well, that was NOT how it was.  Sure, I learned A LOT.  I really enjoyed the whole conference aspect....

But sitting and eating dinner by yourself requires a certain pre-meditated mentality.  Yes....you have to convince yourself that you are indeed a food critic.  You are NOT awkwardly sitting alone.  Yes, you have friends...in fact, you consider yourself a people person. 

That's basically what I did 3 meals a day....for 4 days.  But it really wasn't bad.  The element that made the trip unbearable was the fact that I was in Disney World---a place where I've made so many pleasant memories with my family and friends...and no one was there to share in my excitement. 

Call me crazy (which I probably am, but I don't claim to be anything less), but I actually felt tears in my throat while I was on Thunder Mountain in Magic Kingdom.  It was like I was SOOO excited to finally be in Disney....but I couldnt really fully appreciate it, because there was NO ONE to share it with.  Just picture me with my hands slightly raised just letting out a small bit of excitement.... as to not be "overly excited". 

Ummmm and I think I mastered the art of talking to yourself without appearingd excentric.

I met all sorts of real interesting people....that's another story in itself. 

Oh, let us not forget the fact that my  luggage was lost....as in THEY COULD NOT FIND IT....my AC in my car was still broken....I had no gas to get home....and I came home to an empty house.  Yes, you try to relax. 

All in all, I just had to laugh.

"me" time????

I'm so excited about the next four days. I am heading to Orlando (Disney World--woop woop) for a conference for work.  And the best part is.... it's just me.  I get to make my own schedule and truly just relax.  Its totally turning out to be a mini-vacation, and I couldnt be more excited.

Okay okay...so I am excited about the conference part too.  Really I am.  I love conferences (I'm such a nerd), but really....i do.  I'm going to just soak up every minute of it...sleeping...resting...lounging by the pool....galavanting in and out of the various theme parks....learning about sleep apnea...this is going to be monumental!!!! :)

But I think the best thing about it all is that IT'S JUST ME.  I haven't EVER been in a hotel---let alone a resort----without anyone else there.  I love to travel, but usually I'm with people.  So, this is going to be very very good for me.  I get to do WHATEVER I want to....set the AC however I deem appropriate for the time being...prance around the room in whatever I feel comfortable in.  AAANNNDDD: I get to go to Disney World---and do the things I want to do.  It's going to be very exciting.  I really can't wait!!!

I leave tomorrow morning....and I'm looking forward to every minute of it.  Sure, I wish I could take certain people with me.  But for now, this is how it is supposed to be. 

So my heart is open to just....relaxing and letting the Lord just encourage me. 

unfortunate AC

Soooooo...the AC is out in my car.  Well, actually it has been out since....the fall.  However, everytime I try to get it fixed...it comes back the same. As in, NOT WORKING.  It's quite hysterical because its only May and already it is 90 degrees and counting.  Thankfully, I havent had to wear my scrubs....so I've been wearing dresses, skirts, sleeveless shirts....it really wasn't an option to wear black pants. 

However, instead of being uber frustrated everyday about it....whenever I get into my car and it is UNBEARABLE heat, I start to remember all the vacations and trips that I took to other countries where they don't "expect" air condition.  So I just laugh now. Thankful that I've maintained that perspective thus far...bc otherwise...watch out.  HAHA.

meaningless

Wow.  To think I'd get hit so hard with another insecurity.  To think that I've come so far....mandated my heart to Christ's and thus surrendered all of me (including talents, passions...my heart really)...and then suddenly....BAM! Smacked down.  There are pieces of me that are so very very sensitive.  Almost untapped.  Over the last 2 years, I've started to reveal those parts and place them out in the open.  I began to really and truly give it to Christ.  (I mean, it's His anyway).  The hardest part, I must say, was just placing it in open hands...

I've realized everything is meaningless if Christ is not in the center of it. 

"Your voice will not be heard by God, if it does not come from the heart." Brother Barry (FBC Kosciusko)

Isaiah 26:3 comes to the heart.